Cristiano Ronaldo Is a Fraud

I hope people stop comparing Cristiano to Beckham now. They may have both played the same position for Man U and captained their national teams and even wore the same number but make no mistake about it, Becks won when he had to win. Becks showed the fuck up in clutch situations and buried free kicks. The team always relied on Beckham and got rewarded for it. I don't know if Cristiano was even on the field yesterday. It'd be alright if he played like shit and played his dick off but this dude didn't even try yesterday. I've been saying it for years now. He's all flash, no substance. You can't win with someone like that. It's the same reason why these youtube sensations who do tricks and juggle can't do shit on the field. Gotta be a team player in the ultimate team spot. It takes more than good looks and tabloid stories to lead a group of grown men on the biggest stage in the world.

Why Wasn't I Invited To This Party?

A modified version of the ballyhooed free-agent summit that was initially suggested and then downplayed by Dwyane Wade has indeed taken place, ESPN.com has learned. Sources close to the situation said Monday night that three of the biggest names in basketball -- Wade, Chris Bosh and LeBron James -- met over the weekend in Miami to seriously discuss their futures, with a focus on the increasingly plausible possibility of those three teaming up with Wade's Heat. Yet sources with knowledge of the meeting stressed to ESPN.com that James, while clearly intrigued by the possibility of forming a star-studded Miami trio with Wade and Bosh, has not yet committed to leaving his hometown Cleveland Cavaliers for South Beach. One source did label Miami as the new frontrunner to land James in a package deal with Bosh and a re-signed Wade but also cautioned that James was "non-committal" with the start of free agency fast approaching.

First off, let's cut the shit and the hype. Lebron isn't going to Miami and Lebron isn't going to New York. New York is a joke. It's an overrated city, the fans are faggots, it's gross, and every New Yorker thinks they live in the best city  in the world but probably haven't been outside of the tri-state area. He's not even going to play with Dwayne Wade. They might be best friends but both of those guys are alpha dog caliber players and two alpha dogs can't co-exist.  Plus it's Miami. Half of those fans don't even speak english and that would drive me through the wall. ESPN loves to talk about this super trio teaming up but even they  know it's not happening and they know there isn't a chance in hell it's happening. I can't see Lebron going anywhere but Chicago or staying in Cleveland. He might not wanna play in MJ's shadow but maybe he has plans to make MJ be remembered in his shadow. I don't know. I know if he wants to be MJ he better get to work right now because he's still 6 titles behind him and 5 behind Kobe. 

Hey Paul, It's Called Band Of Brothers. You Should Rent It Sometime.

Add one more marquee name to the most anticipated free-agent class in NBA history: Paul Pierce.  The All-Star forward has notified the Boston Celtics that he will opt out of the final year of his contract before Wednesday's deadline, which will make Pierce an unrestricted free agent for the first time. Pierce's agent, Jeff Schwartz, confirmed the decision in a text message to ESPN.com. By opting out, Pierce forfeits next season's $21.5 million salary and adds another layer of uncertainty to Boston's general outlook in the wake of a wholly unexpected playoff run that took them to within one win of the championship. Ray Allen also becomes an unrestricted free agent this week, while the organization continues to watch for popular coach Doc Rivers to decide if he wants to continue with the team or take a temporary leave from the bench grind to spend more time with family. Pierce, though, could wind up emerging as one of the more interesting big names to track. Sources close to the situation told ESPN.com that Pierce will begin free agency by talking first to the Celtics when the market opens on Thursday at 12:01 a.m., but the 32-year-old is preparing to field other offers. 

Dude. What the fuck? What happened to wanting to retire as a Celtic?  I understand you gotta get paid but you're leaving $21.5 million on the table for what? To go around the league and flirt with other teams only to come home and roll into bed with your wife and kids? I don't like this one bit. Right now our starting lineup looks something like this: Rajon Rondo, Kevin Garnett. That's it. Oh, and we most likely don't have a coach so that's another pro we can put on the list for Pierce to take us back. I'll tell who we really want though. Ryan Gomes. He just got traded to Portland to clear up space and was then released so he's a free agent and he's coming. It's only right to bring the Waterbury, CT native and former Providence Friar back to the God's country.

R.I.P. Senator Robert Byrd

His death was anything but barbaric.

When I Said That I Loved You I Meant That I Loved You Forever

Yesterday sucked. No other way to put it besides saying that it fucking sucked. I tried to put my feelings into words and all I could come up was that it fucking sucked. Wind out of my sails. It was like you waited four years to get down on prom night and your date is on her period. So what do you do? Just tell her that she's dead to you and move on? No. If there's one thing I know, it's that if you found something you can love you can't let it get away. I fell in love with these guys when they started this run in 2008 and nothing changes that now that it's over. I don't wanna hear about how sorry they are for not advancing to the quarter finals. They have nothing to apologize for. Except coming out flat in every game they played. That's kind of a big deal.

Hey Ghana, The Jig Is Up Baby

I understand that Ghana has some likable qualities about their team but all that means jack shit today. Maybe I'll root for them if they play Portugal or something but not today. Because today they're playing me. Today, they're playing you. Today they're playing the greatest military power this world has ever seen and if you're honestly rooting for Ghana then I don't fucking talk to me. Seriously. You don't like our team then go move to Ghana. Let those poor assholes support you on nothing but critters 'cause I want nothing to do with you.

Score Game Winning Goal. Check. Get Your Wife Back. Check

IRENE, South Africa — Landon Donovan’s dramatic goal on Wednesday didn’t just keep the United States in the World Cup. It also may have paved the way for a reconciliation with his estranged actress wife. Donovan and “Rules of Engagement” star Bianca Kajlich had an emotional telephone conversation in the early hours of Thursday morning after he had blown her an on-camera kiss just moments after scoring the winner against Algeria. And despite publicly baring his soul about “getting divorced” on several occasions over the past few months, Donovan told Yahoo! Sports on Thursday that the marriage is not over.

I knew it. Right when he followed his interview with a "Bianca, I love you" I said ohhhh that sly dog. Because believe it or not, chicks dig a hero who can save a country from elimination. I know. I thought the way to a woman's heart was being unemployed and writing on a blog but I suppose it doesn't hurt to be one of the classiest athletes of our time.

This Is America. We Are American.

Just Billy C and our captain enjoying the king of beers. Awesome.

LA Smackdown. Kobe's Wife Hates Lamar's.

Khloe Kardashian is feeling unloved--not because of her husband, Lamar Odom, but because of one of his Lakers teammates' wives. According to an insider, Kobe Bryant's wife, Vanessa, "hates" Khloe and her entire family, whom she sees as attention-grabbing fame-seekers. And instead of hiding her feelings, Vanessa refuses to have anything to do with the 26-year-old. "She won't sit anywhere near Khloe at Lakers games," the insider reveals, adding that because of Vanessa's dislike of her, Khloe has been shut out of the tight-knit circle the other Lakers' wives have formed. "At a dinner for the wives, Vanessa didn't want to invite Khloe," the insider shares. "She said Khloe is a 'fake wife,' and she didn't want fake wives there." The feeling is mutual. The insider says Khloe and Vanessa have "gotten into fights" in the past. And at the Lakers' NBA Finals game on June 17, Khloe brought Lamar's two children, as well as her mom, Kris, and siblings Kim, Rob, Kendall and Kylie--and they all stayed far away from Vanessa.

Ohhhhh snap! Vanessa Bryant didn't want fake wives at dinner? Really? A fake wife? Kinda like when sat there next to Kobe with a new ring on her finger after he admitted to boning/raping that little white girl in Colorado? That type of fake wife? I hate the ugly Karadashian but I might have to side with her on this one. Like she actually had a job before she met Lamar. I bet she dominates Lamar. I could dominate Lamar. He's a ninny but that's neither here nor there. I'm just curious to see what Khloe and Kobe's bitch fought about. Vanessa mentions something like Lamar is soft and Khloe comes right back with a "Oh ,well your husband raped a chick and probably raped you." Game, set, match.

Papelbon Must Die.

Listen, I love Paps more than the next guy but enough is enough. I have the right to embrace him whenever I want and the right to tell him to fuck off at a moments notice. And don't play me this loyalty shit. He's a closer, he's not an everyday player that had 4 chances a game to make an impact. Pap has 1 job and he's not fucking do it. At what point do we tell the Fonz to take a back seat and let Chachi(Bard) get some licks in there?

Man Gets Shot. Doesn't Realize It Until Hours Later.

PEORIA, Ill. -- Tracy Durham remembers hearing the pop. But the gunshot wound the Illinois man discovered after a neighbor asked about his limp? That was a surprise. The 48-year-old Durham told police he thinks he was shot by a friend during a party late Sunday at his home. Police say Durham recalled calling the friend's girlfriend ugly. The Peoria man then heard a pop as he took a drink from a bottle of whiskey. But police say he felt no pain. Durham told officers he went to sleep around 3 a.m. Monday and discovered the wound about four hours later.

Someone find me Tracy Durham and put me in contact with him ASAP. Sign him up for the blog, the WBL, and just as my new best friend.  I mean say what you want about the Midwest but they know how to party in Peoria, Illinois. This dude obviously took my advice when I said I once brought a bottle of whiskey and a shotgun to a gathering and showed those fuckers the best damn party they've ever seen. Another reason I want to hang with Durham is this dude is ballsy in every sense of the word. He's the type of the fucker to call your gilfriend ugly then take a swig of your whiskey right in the face. Might even swish that shit around his cheeks then gargle it before swallowing and end it all with a stank fart. But let's not forget about the best part of the story. T-Durz gets shot and doesn't realize it until 4 hours later. He even went to sleep! I want whatever Tracy Durham is drinking and make it a double.

Hey Ghana/Germany, We're Coming For Your Ass.

PRETORIA, South Africa -- Over and over, everything seemed to go against them.
A referee took away a win last week, and a linesman disallowed another goal Wednesday.Now there was just 3 1/2 minutes left in their World Cup, just that much remaining until all the doubts about American soccer would rise again.But then, in one of the most stunning turnarounds in World Cup history, Landon Donovan"This team embodies what the American spirit is about," Donovan said. "We had a goal disallowed the other night, We had another good goal disallowed tonight. But we just keep going. And I think that's what people admire so much about Americans. And I'm damn proud." scored on a lightning fast counterattack 45 seconds into 4 minutes of injury time. With the most amazing late-game moment in American soccer, the United States beat Algeria 1-0 Wednesday and reached the World Cup's second round, winning a group for the first time since 1930. 

People always wanna hate on Landon Donovan and I don't know why. To put it simply, he is everything that's right about America. Maybe he's not the flashiest or the most eye popping guy out there but he's the hardest working, quickest and smartest dude that has ever sported the red, white and blue and you gotta respect that. I'm watching the Germany/Ghana game right now and I don't really see why we won't be able to beat both of them. I mean it was a narrow 1-0 victory today but there was no question who the better team was out there. America, America, America. It very easily could have been 4-0 but then again that's what seperates us from a team like Brazil. They put those open netters in and we get frustrated and pop them over the cross bar.

P.S. I am getting eeehhhhh wicked hammered tonight.

France Is Down 2-0 To South Africa In The First Half. BAHAHAHAHAHA!

PORT ELIZABETH, South Africa -- There has been so much petulancy, ego and spoiled behavior at the World Cup that it makes Brett Favre's annual antics look downright magnanimous. Diva must be in the water, and drama is certainly permeating the air in South Africa. France staged a protest against its own coach. And the English players and their head man, Fabio Capello, appear to have a deeper split than Jesse James and Sandra Bullock. One thing these running soap operas prove is that American athletes don't own the copyright on rotten attitudes or fractured teams, despite the commonly held perception by many Americans that the foreign athletes who play for their national teams are somehow less selfish and entitled than the athletes who hail from the United States.


Everybody was asking me why I didn't blog about the destruction of the french soccer team. But honestly I couldn't. It was too easy, too predictable, too french. They're all a bunch of drama kings that drive great players like Zidane through the wall. And for what reason? Have any of them won shit? They're just living up to their billing as far as I'm concerned. They pulled out of Vietnam when shit go too hot and now they're pulling out of the World Cup because they think by not trying they actually save face.

I Don't Watch The Bachelorette But I Just Saw This Broad

You know how you hear baseball players talk about how they love to sit on the fastball and the inside heater is right in there wheel house. Well this chick is right in my wheel house. Let's go through the check list of what she has. Blonde hair? Yup. Looks phenomenal in blue? Check. Can she rock a belt that melts your dick and heart at the same time? Yes and Yes. Does she tilt her head every so gently that it invites you in and suggests where to sit? Uh-huh. Just an all around cutie. Not too skinny, not plump at all. And it's like a stab wound to the heart knowing that she's out there on ABC swapping spit with some jerk off from Chicago because he puts gel in his hair and writes a fantastic poem. You know who doesn't put gel in his hair and writes a belly aching blog? Me. This guy. You might even go to the extreme and say I don't give a fuck what my hair looks like, I curse like a sailor and I'm technically unemployed. What is there not to like? She'll look at me and say, "Winner, winner, take me to a chicken dinner." Only to Applebees, though. Money is tight.

Video Games Leads To An Absolute Shit Storm

VERNON, Conn. -- Police said a 54-year-old man and his girlfriend were arrested after a dispute over a noisy video game erupted into a Father's Day struggle with police officers. Vernon police said the man, George Stein, was playing video games Sunday night when a child annoyed by the noise shut the door to the room Stein was in. Police said Stein got angry and grabbed some kind of weapon, which led his girlfriend's son to call police. Authorities said the girlfriend, 42-year-old April Devaux, became combative with officers, refused to let go of a front porch post and spat in an officer's face. Devaux was charged with assault on police and other crimes, while Stein was charged with threatening. Both posted bail.

So let me get this straight. A 54 year old man was playing video games too loudly so the child closed the door and this made George go bat shit and grab some form of weapon? And the girlfriend was then combative and spit in the officers face? I just have so many questions that I need answered before I judge anyone. Listen, if there's one thing I know, it's how video games can lead to violence. I won't name names but let's call this kid bonnor rubinko and he totally smashed his controller once when Billy Bayne beat him in NHL. Billy Bayne also did other unspeakable acts and absolutely got his face bashed in but that's a different story for a different time. Anyway. Does this kid belong to anyone or was he just living next door and finally got fed up with the childish behavior and started slamming doors? That would make anybody pissed. I feel like anytime somebody slams an object in the face the immediate reaction is, "dude! what the fuck?!" I don't know. This story pulls me in so many ways. I love the bravery of the little kid but I also admire the intensity of the video gamer. I can't get mad at the cops for doing their job but the gilfriend standing up for her man is desirable. If this ever goes to court, I want in.

I Love This.

Pat Patriot was prominent during the 2009 season, with the Patriots donning the '60s-style throwbacks for games against the Bills, Broncos, Titans and Dolphins. And he'll be back, in a little different form in 2010. The Patriots have officially ditched the silver alternate jerseys (that kind of just looked like dirty whites), and will usher in throwbacks to replace them on a permanent basis. It will be a bit different than last year's unis, worn in celebration of the AFL's 50 anniversary. These are styled after the 1985 AFC Championship team. And the Patriots' official Twitter feed passed on word this morning that the team will break them out for the team's Oct. 31 game against the Vikings. Minnesota, everyone's betting, will be quarterbacked by Brett Favre, who was in the league when the Patriots actually wore those uniforms for real. No kidding. And not just for one year.

I love the Pat Patriot uniforms. I don't know why they don't rock those every game of the year.  They're just so classy, so clever, so perfect.

I Thought The Sox Were Dead In The Water? Hmmm. That's Weird.

We were 10 games back, sitting in 4th place and the world wanted to read us our last rights but what did I say? Relax. We have yet to play a week with our full roster and we're still 1 game behind the skanks. And not only are we 1 game back in the rough AL East but we're offering up the 2nd best record in baseball. It's awesome. It's amazing. It's remarkable. It's something else. I'll tell my kids about this. Whenever they get into a little funk or slump and nothing seems to be going right, I'll tell them about the 2010 Sox who were on life support for 2 months and then came back to win the World Series while Pedroia earned his 2nd MVP and first ever Series MVP trophy.  How can I explain what happened? Laser show. Relax.

Cristiano Ronaldo Wins One For Democracy

CAPE TOWN, South Africa -- Cristiano Ronaldo finally scored. So did Raul Meireles, Simao Sabrosa, Hugo Almeida, Liedson and Tiago (twice).Portugal put on the most dominant performance of the World Cup on Monday, knocking in a flurry of second-half goals and routing North Korea 7-0, a win that puts Portugal on the brink of advancing to the round of 16 and means the Koreans won't make it out of group play."It was a great day for Portugal and Portuguese football," coach Carlos Queiroz said"The players are really happy with the way they played, the attitude for the game, the beautiful football, the beautiful goals."Those goals came in bunches.Simao, Almeida and Tiago all scored early in the second half, after Meireles' 29th-minute goal gave Portugal the lead.Liedson, substituting for Almeida started another run with a goal in the 81st.Ronaldo ended his goalless streak the 87th minute, and Tiago added his second goal two minutes later.

This isn't as much of a victory for Portugal as it is for the rest of the world.  I hate Italy and France but you'll see me wearing their colors whenever they take on North Korea. And this isn't anything I have against the asians just because they want to eat my cat. This is a beef I have with North Korea and Koreans in general. The Southies(south koreans) are good people. We'll sit down and have a beer with some saki some day and talk about how silly this little beef was. But it's no dice for the PRK. Like there is no way that Kim Jong Il is gonna be able to hide a 7-0 thrashing from the papers. No form of propaganda can save that assault. I'm just afraid for the players of North Korea because there's no chance in hell that they're not facing the gas chamber after this game.

El Tigre Is Back. I'm Back.

First things first. The Finals didn't happen so don't expect me to ever talk about it. I'm still getting over the Lincoln assassination so that should be a good time table for you. Second. FIFA should start an investigation into their referees and match fixing after that USA/Slovenia game. Seriously. That shit was absolutely disgusting. But the real story is here is that the greatest golfer/womanizer is back on his game. I don't why or what happened to cause it but he just looks like he's back. He might be at +2 right now but his swing isn't as erratic. in other words, he's doing the bull dance, feeling the flow, workin' it. Workin it.

I Didn't Fall Asleep Until 3:30 AM Last Night.

This is just a warning shot to anybody I come in contact with for the next 14 days. Don't come in contact with me. I don't give a fuck what you thought about the game. I don't want to know what could have been done to not lose the game. As far as I'm concerned it didn't even happen. And I'm not exagerrating about this either. If you seriously say something along the lines of "What happened?" I'm going to punch you so hard in the face that it'll knock you and your grandmother out. The bottom line is we played our dicks off for the past 2 months and I'm gonna take that piece and run with it to a safe corner in the house.

I Want This. I Need This.

I can't explain to you how badly I want to win this game tonight. Not just because it's LA and it's a shot to sex offenders everywhere that we won't stand for it anymore. But because I need this win. I need something good to happen in my life. That's really what it's all about. Life if we win tonight, shit's going down. I won't stop partying for weeks. I won't shower. No, I'll shower in beers every morning and walk around with my KG jersey on until opening day next year.

Don't Expect Anything From Me Until Game 7 Ends Tomorrow.

My celtics hat was worn a little lower today to cover up my eyes and I didn't do my usual hop out of bed, it was more like a slow roll to misery. Last night sucked. Today was disgusting. Tomorrow will still be gross. But Thursday night at 11:15? Well that's gonna be like when JC pushed those boulders out of his way and went to go to the great gig in the sky. So I'm just asking you to hang on for a little bit. At least until I find my footing again.


P.S. My apologies to the jewish readers who don't get the JC reference. Actually I'm not sorry. It's called get with the times. That shit happened. 

Don't Sleep On The WBL. We're Still On The Fast Track To Taking Over Your Ass

Yeah, we're still celebrating our win over Powers 2 weeks ago. Just wait until we take the title this year. I won't stop drinking until I'm 30.

Didn't Italy Tie With Paraguay?

Way to lead, bro. You're the captain of what's supposed to be a top 5 world  team and you're satisfied with a tie to fucking Paraguay? Not Brazil, not Portugal but Paraguay. Do I really need to explain why I hate Italian soccer? I gotta go shower and wash the disgust off me.

Raising #18 Tonight

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLEEEE!!!!!

It's Way Too Early For Shark Week

BOSTON -- The U.S. Coast Guard has confirmed shark sightings in the cold waters off the coast of Maine, Boston TV station WCVB reported. Officials said it was unusual to see the predators so close to land.The 12-foot-long sharks were spotted about 1 mile off the coast of York, Maine."Went over to investigate. Turned out to be two sharks in the water. Took a picture of it and checked out the sharks," U.S. Coast Guard Chief Russell Smith said.Weekenders along the Maine coast on Hampton Beach were surprised, but not too worried."Get out. Really? Sharks, out here?" one woman said.Heavy fog and cool temperatures kept most swimmers out of the water."It's just an unusual occurrence to see them come in close to the shoreline," Hampton Beach lifeguard Jim Donahue said.

This is terrifying. There aren't a ton of things that scare me but sharks in my water way is definitely one of them. It ranks up there with losing in wiffle ball, getting cancer, taking the garbage out when it's past dusk, the future, the 2012 Celtics, life without water, horses, all heights, robots, getting a flat tire, teen pregnancy, raising a gay son, living next door to a zamba farm, and last but not least, the sight of Large Marge. But back to the story. I love how the chief is so matter of fact about the whole thing. He's like, "yup we investigated. Saw the shark, snapped a couple dope shots of it to send to the kids, had a beer and beat my wife. Probably gonna end up doing some time for it. Pretty normal Saturday."

Hey Sellberg, Here's Your Daily World Cup Round Up

Listen I love soccer and the world cup more than the next guy but this group play shit doesn't cut it for me. Besides the USA games or an up and coming Portugal/Ivory Coast match tomorrow, there is nothing that excites me. The teams that are supposed to win always win and goal scoring seems to be at an all time low right now. It's like once a team scores, they pack it in just to get those 3 points. Good strategy but I'd rather stare at portraits of starving children all day than watch that boring/safe shit. I'll still watch every second of group play but I'm not gonna get my kicks and tickle my tits until the knockout stage. That's when the big boys eat. They're just setting the table for the children at this point.

Vince Young Has Longhorn Pride

NASHVILLE, Tenn. -- Contrite quarterback Vince Young apologized to his teammates, coaches, fans and the Tennessee Titans organization following a Monday practice for a misdemeanor assault citation he got at a Dallas strip club early Sunday. Young said he's hopeful the incident won't result in a suspension. The Titans open the season Sept. 12 against Oakland. "I just made a mistake, I made a mistake even being there and I let that guy provoke me into doing what I did," Young said. "... I pray to God that Roger Goodell doesn't come down hard on me, because I definitely want to be here for my teammates." Said Titans coach Jeff Fisher: "I'm disappointed. He's taken responsibility for it. I like to think he's learned a lesson. He had no business making the decision that he made and obviously he's got to deal with those consequences. "The league will look into it. The commissioner is very strict about these types of things and I am sure we'll hear from him after we get more information." Young said the upside-down Texans Longhorns sign made to him is disrespectful but said "it was more than that" and that "there was a lot of stuff going on" that led to the scuffle. He also said he didn't throw a punch, that "it was just a push."

I don't claim to be a Longhorns fan or know anything culture in Texas but it seems like throwing up the upside down Longhorns sign is the dirtiest thing you can do to a man.  Tell Vince Young he's a pussy, call him out on his suicide threats 2 yeas ago, diss his low IQ level but don't you dare make your fingers into an upside down longhorn. You're just asking for trouble. It's all fun games until you the Alma mater gets thrown into the fight and all hell breaks loose.

He May Have Beaten Rape Accusations But He Will Never Beat The Celtics. Ever.

This shibang isn't going 7 games. I never thought it would but now I know for sure. Last night, Kobe did this, Kobe did that, Kobe could've probably scored while swinging a wiffleball bat. Honestly. It was one of the greatest performances I've ever seen on a basketball court. I went into last night's game scared because it was game 5 and we had yet to see that usual game Kobe has where he puts his team on his back and shows the world why he's the best player on the planet and that terrified me. Last night was a must win. Well, he had that insane game and the Lakers still lost. Say what you want about home court but you can't come back from that. It's gonna be in his head for the rest of the series. He knows even if he goes off for 40, they won't win unless the other guys step up and they're not stepping up anytime soon. Pierce has figured out Artest, Rondo is Rondo and KG has bitch slapped Gasol for 3 straight games. It's over. Start planning the parade and printing the T-shirts. It's gonna feel so fucking good when we celebrate on LA's floor.


P.S. The best moment of that game last night was when Rondo pushed Artest and everybody and their mother took a step back, gasped and said, "Rajon! What are you doing?!?!"

This Is What Becks Thought About Dempsey's Goal

That's called the stink eye.

It's D-Day Boys and Girls!

Any other day I got nothing against the English. You name the modern day war and they usually have our backs. Hopefully some day we can get together with our english mates and talk about how wild this game was. But none of that means shit today. Yeah, I'm Irish and you might be french but today we stand under one flag. It's time to unite under the red, white and blue and let the world know we're here. This aint 1998 anymore, baby. It's 2010 and our boys don't give a fuck about how much money Wayne Rooney makes or that Johny Terry is a scumbag and knocks up his teammates wife and makes her get an abortion to hide it. I feel like there's so much more than just 3 points up for grabs today. It's like back in the day when an army would roll through a small village and destroy it just to show them they're not sleeping on anyone. We gotta show the world that last years confederations cup was no fluke. England gave us The Office, Hugh Grant and David Beckham. But we gave them Top Gun and that trumps all.

This Is Why I Love Patrick Kane

21 years old, you scored the winning goal in the Stanley Cup and are apart of what could be a 10 year dynasty. So what do you do? You jump on the float, chug champagne, dance, drink from the cup, catch beers from fans, open them with your teeth, take pics with babes and make some dude run a post route. That my friends is how you become awesome.

World Cup Begins Today. Get Off To Ronaldo

Every kid coming up today thinks that Messi is he greatest thing since sliced bread. But not too long ago there was a guy who was the bee's knees. In other words, Ronaldo was the balls. Then he did what all great brazilian soccer players do. Drank and partied himself off the face of the earth.

This Is What We Call a Momentum Shifter

People say momentum doesn't really exist anymore but fuck that. This team believes. This team knows they're gonna win banner 18 this year. It wasn't pretty or fancy, it was just our bench guys out working their starters. The bottom line is when you're dancing on the free throw line, you know you're mojo is working.


P.S. Watch the press conference with Nate Robinson and Big Baby. Absolutely hilarious. It's like two 8 year olds who were rewarded with extra recess time. "We're like Shrek and donkey."

This Is Actually Kind of Awesome

Hey, Jeremy. It's me Connor. Guess what? It's not your fault. No, listen to me. It's not your fault. It is not your fault. It's. Not. Your. Fault. Somebody give that guy a hug for me.

Refs Learning Wayne Rooney's Language

Wayne Rooney will find his temperament under even greater scrutiny in England’s opening World Cup fixture on Saturday. It emerged last night that the match officials have taken a crash course in English swearwords as part of a crackdown on abusive language. Rooney has already been warned about his temperament by Fabio Capello, the England manager, and by Jeff Selogilwe, the South African referee who booked him and accused him of using foul and abusive language during the final warm-up match, against Platinum Stars on Monday.  Now the temperamental striker will be alarmed to learn that Carlos Eugênio Simon, who will referee England’s first group C match against the United States in Rustenburg, and his assistants have been given a list of 20 English profanities to clamp down on. Simon’s appointment as a World Cup referee has already attracted controversy after his suspension from Brazilian football last year amid accusations of incompetence. Roberto Braatz, one of Simon’s two assistant referees in South Africa, said: “We can’t do this in 11 different languages, but at least we have to know the swearwords in English.” Altemir Hausmann, the other assistant referee, said: “We have to learn what kind of words the players say. All players swear and we know we will hear a few ‘son of a . . .’ ” Rooney’s conduct has been under scrutiny in the past two warm-up matches — a tangle with Marcus Tanaka, the Japan defender, went unpunished in the match in Graz on May 30 before he was booked for dissent on Monday — but Emile Heskey, his likely strike partner on Saturday, jumped to his defence yesterday. 

Hilarious. Never really understood why people don't like Rooney more. He's a little pit bull. I love it.

Pauly D and Co. Teaching You How To Dougie

Little upset that the Situation wasn't involved but it's whatever, I guess.

The World Cup Begins In Less Than 1 Day

You think if they put the World Cup pairings in brackets then that shit would catch on like March Madness? Oh. Most people don't care about soccer? Well I do. I really fucking do.

Group A: France and Mexico
I don't have a ton of faith in those picks actually. Mainly because a host country has never not advanced to the 1 and done round and the french have vaginas. I really don't like France as a country or as a soccer power. And don't even get me started on Mexico. I don't want to say that if there should be a terrorist attack on any group, they should target Group A but if there is let's just say I'm looking the other way.

Group B: Argentina and Nigeria
Again, I have no faith in those picks. Argentina is obviously the best team in this group but Messi never shows up when he plays for the national team and the fans know it. He's just not loved in Argentina the way he's adored in Barcelona and that shit would effect anybody. He's like Neil Armstrong. Dude goes to the moon and now he's back and nobody gives a shit. As for the Nigeria pick? I have no fucking clue. I refuse to root for South Korea and the Greeks are all a bunch of gays. Seriously. Homosexual. Look it up. Those Spartans fucked each other on the daily.

Group C: England and THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
Pretty simple here. I'm never gonna pick against the red, white and blue. Can't do it, won't do it. I don't think it's out of line when I say I full expect them to beat England. Look, it's as much of a mismatch as there has ever been in soccer. England has a strong midfield but the midfield might be where they fall. Gerrard, Lampard, Cole are all guys that star on their club teams so what's gonna happen when they have to play team ball? Mayhem. The US midfield/forward is too dynamic. This aint the same verticle game of old. Dempsey, Donovan, Altidore, Torres, Ricardo Clark, Bradley and Benny are all dudes who have a bit of flair to their game and can make a game breaking move at any point. But the question is can anybody stop Wayne Rooney? Nope.

Group D: Germany and Ghana
Fuck this group. Fuck Germany. Love Ghana even if Essien is out. Stephen Appiah is the captain and he'll have the black stars ready.

Group E: Netherland and Cameroon
No idea. Samuel Eto'o is pretty good. Netherlands are always pretty good. 

Group F: Italy and Paraguay
Put Italy in the group with France and Germany as countries that I despise. They are what's wrong with soccer. dive, dive, dive. And Paraguay is a soccer country, I think?

Group G: Brazil and Ivory Coast
I'm picking Brazil to win the whole dinner. They're too good. I pick Ivory Coast over Portugal mainly because Cristiano is coming into this thing like the fucking savior of soccer or something. I haven't seen something like this since Ronaldinho got his cock sucked by the world in 2006 and we all know how that ended for him and Brazil that year. Plus, I think Drogba is gonna play with a broken arm and inspire the hell out of his teammates. June 20th is when Brazil and Ivory Coast square off.

Group H: Spain and Honduras.
Spain is gross. They're on the Brazil level of good. Way too many weapons for the Spaniards. Torres, Villa, Ramos, Puyol, Cassilas, just to name a few. Honduras is a tough squad, too. Don't sleep on those latin american soccer countries. They're like the small towns you expect to beat in travel soccer and then Rocky Hill comes to Burlington and gets fucking thrashed 6 years in a row.


I don't know what the bracket looks like in the round of 16 or whatever but just know it's gonna be Brazil, Spain, England, and Argentina in the final 4. Brazil/Spain final is gonna be madness.

Stanley Cup Champs!

PHILADELPHIA -- There was no red light, just Blackhawks flying over the boards in celebration.

Sticks and helmets were thrown, scattered all over the ice and still no signal for a goal.  After a brief review, there was no dispute -- the Chicago Blackhawks were the Stanley Cup champions. Patrick Kane sneaked the puck past Michael Leighton 4:06 into overtime and stunned Philadelphia to lift the Blackhawks to a 4-3 overtime win in Game 6 on Wednesday night for their first championship since 1961. No one but the Blackhawks appeared to know what was going on for a few frozen moments. Kane and his linemates seemed the only players on the ice who knew the puck found the side of the net. The goal light never went on, but that didn't stop most of the Blackhawks from storming the ice and mobbing each other in celebration. Kane will go down as scoring one of the biggest goals in team history. "I was just hoping to God it was just an actual goal," said captain Jonathan Toews, the Conn Smythe Trophy winner as playoff MVP. "They came back hard in the third and we just stuck with it."

I don't know how  to link to old posts but I believe I hopped on the Chicago bandwagon before the playoffs even started. And who was the guy I said was gonna be the X-factor? Oh, The American born, Hailing from Buffalo NY, Patrick Kane? Yup. Patrick motherfucking Kane. Say what you want but it's great to see Chicago back on the champions map. Boston's back was hurting from carrying all those championships this decade.

Ninjas Break Into School

SPOKANE -- Under the cover of darkness, two people dressed as ninjas broke into Ferris High School Saturday night and stole a bounty of electronic items, Spokane TV station KXLY reported. Athletics and Activities Director Michael Syron said the two ninjas captured on surveillance video took a laptop, several iPods, three portable DVD players, a Wii game console and games, and two 19-inch flat screen TVs. Surveillance video showed two people dressed from head to toe in black, including ski masks and gloves.  “I came in Sunday morning and found it had been taken,” Syron said. “The rest of the stuff that [parents] had bought wasn’t touched, but the electronics stuff was gone.”

I hope I'm not the first one to call bullshit on this story. It seems pretty clear that Bob the janitor didn't lock the doors and because he's technically a school employee, the school could get sued so they throw the poor athletic director in front of the cameras and let him go off about some ninja story. The other part of this story that drives me wild is the shit that stolen. A Wii, iPods, laptops and 2 flat screen TVs? If I could go back in time and pick another high school, I'm moving to Spokane and enrolling immediately. That place sounds like the ultimate dude spot. Like a complete man cave. 


P.S. If you're gonna dress up and commit a robbery I think the only costume you can throw on is a ninja costume. Big Bird and Cookie Monster just don't add the same intimidation factor as a ninja. 

Now I'm Excited

Cue all the Entourage haters who say the show has no substance. I don't give a fuck about substance. It's entertaining. That's all I care about. I love the people who claim How To Make It In America is so much better, too. Uhhh wasn't that show advertised as a poor man's Entourage? Yeah. That's weird, huh?

When a Series is Tied 1-1, The Winner of Game 3 is 10-0 To Win The Series.

Remember when I said last night's game was a must win? I've never been so fucking on the money before. I'm not saying the series is over but the doctor just came into the office with the test results and he inhaled deeply before removing his glasses. So take from that what you will. We can talk about the refs blowing the game but there's no excuse to lose at home when you have all that momentum. That's what a losing team with less talent says when they wanna cover up their weaknesses. Kinda like when a chick uses graduation and her leaving for school in August as a reason to stop talking in June. Nothing made sense last night. Ray was cold, Pierce was playing piss poor defense, KG was awake, Tony Allen decided he wanted to be known as a jump shooter. I don't know.


P.S. I don't wanna hear shit about the lack of posts. I got a family that looks a lot like cancer, growing and throwing a party on the left side of my fucking neck and I wasn't given any pain pills. Love life right now.

Chris Pronger Is a Silly Nanny

Philadelphia Flyers defenseman Chris Pronger didn't feel like discussing an altered picture of him wearing a figure skating skirt that was an insert in Tuesday's edition of the Chicago Tribune. A headline on the half-page poster Pronger was asked about it during a media session Tuesday in Philadelphia, where the Flyers will try to even the Stanley Cup finals against the Chicago Blackhawks with Game 6 on Wednesday. "I don't read what you guys write. Good or bad," Pronger said. When it was pointed out that the newspaper had an interesting picture of him, Pronger still wouldn't take the bait. "Next question," he responded.

Chris Pronger is a big guy and it's no secret that I hate big guys. They think because they've been given this large structure by the higher powers that they can just bully people around and everyone fears them. Well, news flash big boys. This motherfucker aint scared of nobody. You line 'em up and I'll try to knock it down. Not saying I can or will but I'll give it my 110% because I hate big dudes who act like their shit doesn't stink based on their size. And I'm not just talking out of my ass. Look at my track record. Have I ever lined up with a smaller dude? Nope. I want the biggest steak in the room. Let's mash. Chicks dig the long ball.

These World Cup Injuries Are Such a Buzz Kill

JOHANNESBURG -- Portugal winger Nani has been ruled out of the World Cup because of a bruised left collarbone. The Portuguese soccer federation said Tuesday on its website that the Manchester United player is unfit to play despite receiving treatment for several days. The federation says it has asked FIFA to replace Nani with Benfica winger Ruben Amorim. The federation didn't say when Nani was injured, but he played in the second half and scored in Portugal's 3-1 win over Cameroon in a friendly at home on June 1.

I'm seriously waiting for Clint Dempsey to fall down the stairs and break his neck or something.  It seems like everyday a big star is going down in some ridiculous training session or a warm up game.  First it was Becks then Ballack, Drogba, Rio Ferdinand, Arjen Robben and every other big name in soccer. It sucks. There's no other way to describe it other than it fucking sucks. The World Cup is when the best players play on the biggest stage for all of earth to see and knowing that a lot of the stars aren't playing is a bit of a buzz kill. I feel like I've been pre-gaming at my house for a super big party, got in the car to go and then I get a text that said, "sorry bro. Party's off. Donahue fell over at wiffleball and popped his knee again." Now I'm just drunk and no where to go.

Oh Shit.

Can I take back every bad thing I've ever said about Hayden's new look?

Man Claiming To Be jesus Causes Crash

DARIEN, Conn. -- Police said a naked man "yelling that he was Jesus" was the catalyst for a five-vehicle accident on Interstate 95 North in Darien that injured three people and slowed traffic for nearly six hours. Police Sgt. Jeremiah Marron said officers responded to reports Saturday that a nude male was causing a disturbance on I-95. As police arrived, the man got into a car but police were able to pull the vehicle over. Police said a tractor-trailer driver then slammed on the brakes to avoid another driver distracted by the highway commotion. The big rig jackknifed, careened into four cars and flipped over.

Was this guy Jesus? I don't know. He could be. There's one thing that I'm positive about in this life and it's you never question a naked guy claiming to be Jesus when there's a tornado watch out for the entire state. You just can't. There are way too many forces of nature working against you so if Frank from down the street tells you he can save your mortal soul, then you do whatever it takes to climb to safety.

What Can You Say Now?

LOS ANGELES -- Somewhere during the second quarter in Game 2 of the NBA Finals, Ray Allen slipped into that shooting zone only visited by real-life superstars and movie characters. With his fundamentally flawless jumper snapping crisply from his wrists, the Boston guard hit 3-pointers in dizzying bunches against the helpless Los Angeles Lakers. He made seven in the first half and finished with a finals-record eight 3's in the Celtics' 103-94 victory Sunday night. Allen's wry smile after he hit three straight 3-pointers in a two-minute span evoked memories of Michael Jordan shrugging his shoulders during his 35-point half against Portland in the 1992 Finals. Even Jesus Shuttlesworth -- you know, the sharpshooting kid Allen played in "He Got Game" -- would have been proud. "There's no better place, moment, time ... to win a game, and to win in a great fashion," Allen said. "I don't know what record it is that people are telling me that I got, but it's great to have, great to be able to look back on it and say I did that. This is definitely our time."

Read that last part again. This is definitely our time.  Kobe's time was 6 years ago when he raped that white girl and then sold his soul to the devil to get out of it. It's over. This is our time. Let me say this. I don't want or expect to go back to LA. Which means we're gonna have to win 3 straight games at home. I don't know if I should be excited that we still won without Pierce and KG going off or concerned that we're gonna need dicks off performances like last night's from RayRay and Rondo to win games. One part of it that I do like is the bench play. Nate Robinson comes in for 6 minutes and scores 7 points. That's what we in the blogging biz call "getting the bang for your buck." Game 3 is a must win in every sense of the world. Must. Win.

This Ad Made Me Tight In The Slacks

I Just Didn't Bring it Today

Let's not sugar coat this shit. If I don't pitch, I'm a nobody. I don't mash, I don't like to play defense so unless I'm locked in on the mound, you can call in the game cause I aint there. Like my body is there, but my mind is out the door. And that's exactly how today ended. Put the loss on my shoulders. I botched the pop up to deep right and I don't even deserve to wear the People's Champ title belt at this point. We're in hell right now, gentlemen. We can stay here, get the shit kicked out of us or we can fight our way back into the light. We can climb out of the hell, one inch at a time. Now I can't do it myself, I'm too old. I look around, I see these young faces. I mean I've made every mistake a 20 year old can make. I pissed away all my money believe it not, I chased off anyone who's ever loved me and lately I can even stand the face I see in the mirror. When you get old in life things get taken from ya but you only learn that when you start losing stuff. You find out life is this game of inches. So is Wiffleball. Because in either game life or wiffleball the margin for error is so small. I mean one half step too early or too late and you don't quite make it. One half a second too slow or too fast and you don't quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They're in every break of the game; every minute every second. On this team, we fight for that inch. On this team we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when we add up all those inches, that's what gonna make the fucking difference between winning and losing. Between living and dying. I'll tell you this in any fight, it's the guy who's willing to die who's gonna win that inch. And I know if I'm gona have any life anymore. It's because I'm still willing to fight and die for that inch. Because that's what living is. The six inches in front of your face. Now I can't make you do it. You have to look at the guy next to you. Look into his eyes. Now i think your ginna see a guy who will go that inch with you. You're gonna see a guy who will sacrifice himself for this team because he knows when it comes down to it; you're gonna do the same for him.

That's a team gentlemen. And, either we heal, now as a team, or we will die as individuals. That's wiffleball guys. That's all it is.

.

Bulls Hire The Celtics' Best Defensive Player

Although an official announcement will have to wait until after the NBA Finals, Boston Celtics assistant coach Tom Thibodeau has accepted an offer to become the next head coach of the Chicago Bulls, a source told ESPNChicago.com on Saturday. Thibodeau's deal is worth approximately $6.5 million, with two years guaranteed plus a team option, according to multiple media reports. This development comes after ESPN.com's Marc Stein reported Thibodeau had withdrawn his name from consideration for the New Orleans Hornets' coaching job. Bulls officials declined comment. The team and the NBA agreed to wait until after the Finals are over to make the hiring official. "We do not have any rules that prohibit a team from announcing a coaching hire during the Finals," NBA spokesman Tim Frank said. "In the Bulls case, because they have no plans to consummate any deal before the end of the Finals, we agreed that they should defer any announcement to the conclusion of the Finals."

Great hire. Great coach. Big city, big lights.  I don't know how anybody could turn this coaching job with the possibility that you're gonna steal the biggest freak to ever play the game. And contrary to popular belief, I'm actually a bit of a Bulls fan. I don't hate Lebron as much as I hate the Cavs so I hope he does go to Chicago. It'd be the smartest move he could make. He just got a coach who is all about defense, has a top 5 point guard in the league and a young, underrated scrapper in Noah.

Drogba is Playing. Trust Me.

ABIDJAN, Ivory Coast -- Ivory Coast striker Didier Drogba has hope of playing in the World Cup after having surgery on his broken right arm in a Swiss hospital Saturday. The Ivory Coast football federation (FIF) said in a statement the operation at the Lindenhof Hospital in Berne was a success and Swiss doctors and the team's medical staff are confident that the Chelsea forward will make a "speedy recovery." The federation did not give further details about the time required for Drogba's recovery. Ivory Coast's first game is June 15 against Portugal.

I've read this story like 7 times and I still don't get it. He broke his arm, right? Not his knee, not his foot, not his ankle. His arm.  I'm not trying to play tough guy here but I know a kid who broke his wrist in the first game of the season and the only reason he missed 2 games was because he sooooo high off pain killers/a little drunk off love and bud lights that he couldn't even function. That guy was me. Does it hurt to play with a broken bone? Fuck yeah it hurts. But do you need your arm or wrist or anything to play effectively in a soccer game? Uhh no. So I say stop the bitching and cut the shit with the drama and suspense. Drogba is playing and if he doesn't then he's the saddest excuse for a man that I've ever seen.


P.S. Drogba should rock that cast out in South Africa with pride. A cast on the arm/wrist/hand is a straight money maker. Girls think you either got in a fight, hurt it playing sports or there was some sort of automobile accident. AKA you're a bad boy, an athlete or you're getting sympathy points. I'm not saying I was on a hot streak my senior year but I was on a motherfucking hot streak my senior year.

You Just Woke a Sleeping Giant, Broseph

LOS ANGELES -- Lakers big man Pau Gasol said Celtics forward Kevin Garnett is not the player he used to be, but Boston coach Doc Rivers stressed on Friday that there is nothing physically wrong with KG. The Lakers held Garnett to 16 points and only four rebounds in a 102-89 win in Game 1 of the NBA Finals on Thursday. "On Kevin's part, he's also lost some explosiveness," said Gasol, who had 23 points and 14 rebounds. "He's more of a jump shooter now you could say, comes off the lane. Before he had a really, really quick first step and was getting to the lane and he was more aggressive then. Time passes and we all suffer it one way or another, but he's still a terrific player, a terrific competitor, and he's going to bring everything he's got. You can count on that." 

Is this dude serious? Like come the fuck on, dude. How dumb can you be? I know I said the series is over but now I feel just the opposite. We have a legit series now. It's no secret the Lakers play insane off of a long rest and the C's almost always come out flat and lay a stinker. The thing that goes unmentioned about last night's game is they cut the 18 point lead to like 9 at one point and had a legitimate shot in the 4th quarter to come back. So who knows what the fuck is gonna happen. I don't. I don't even know what I'm gonna wear tomorrow or if I'll get a text back from the only person I want to get a text back from.

We're Gonna Get Swept.

Down 65-52 right now. It's over. Fuck LA.

Hey, Isn't There a War/Oil Spill/Declining Ratings That Needs Some Attention?

WASHINGTON -- The president is on the record again about LeBron James -- and this time, the people of Cleveland may be happier about it.  President Barack Obama told CNN on Thursday that it would be a terrific story if the basketball superstar stayed with the Cleveland Cavaliers instead of switching teams as a free agent. Said Obama: "That's a town that has had some tough times." The president said it would be a wonderful statement to Cleveland if James said: "I'm going to make a commitment to this city." The president stuck to his point that James needs to find a winning situation with a good team and coach.

Barack, I think you're a super cool dude and maybe some day we can sit down and have a beer and talk about how silly we were when we were young but now is not the time to be super cool president. Now is the time to be the proud, strong president that makes people pay for their actions. Oh, and stop fucking talking about Lebron and inviting the college national champions to your crib. Let Joe Biden handle that shit. Just cause you're the black dude doesn't mean you gotta talk basketball 24/7.

Everybody is Like, "Hey Rza, Finals Are Tonight. Why The Fuck Haven't You Said Anything?" And I'm Like, "Child Please. It's 4:28 on a Thursday."

I wasn't trying to be funny when I said I'll be shocked if the Celtics don't sweep LA. Yeah, they have Kobe who is probably the best player/rapist on the planet right now but I'll take the team that has 4 of the best 5 players in the series. Gasol is important to LA but don't try to have a serious argument with me that he's as important to them as Pierce or KG or Rondo is to Boston. The way I see it is this. The big guys on Boston are gonna have a huge series. Howard may have held down KG and Perk but this is a totally different dragon we're dealing with in this series. Pau is a bitch. Bynum uses tampons. 'Sheed is gonna fuck with Gasol's head all series and if Kobe wants to lock down Rondo then that's the best thing that can happen to Boston. Let Ray Ray roam against Fisher and let Kobe's legs get tired trying to keep up with Rajon. Everyone keeps talking about how the Lakers are such an over whelming favorite and I don't know why. They're playing up this revenge shit way too much. Last I checked they were still the defending champs so all the pressure is on them. We came into this season with only thing in mind and that's winning a ring.

Perfect Games Are Overrated Anyway

DETROIT -- Armando Galarraga squeezed the ball in his mitt, stepped on first base with his right foot and was ready to celebrate. What happened next will be the talk of baseball for the rest of this season and likely a lot longer: the perfect game that wasn't.Umpire Jim Joyce emphatically called Cleveland's Jason Donald safe, the Detroit Tigers argued and a chorus of groans and boos echoed in Comerica Park. Then Joyce emphatically said he was wrong and later, in tears, hugged Galarraga and apologized."It was the biggest call of my career, and I kicked the [stuff] out of it," Joyce said, looking and sounding distraught as he paced in the umpires' locker room. "I just cost that kid a perfect game.""I thought he beat the throw. I was convinced he beat the throw, until I saw the replay," he said after the Tigers' 3-0 win.

I'm so sick of everybody pitching a perfect game. It used to be like a once a year type thing and now it happens every fucking week so excuse me If I take Jim Joyce's side for the better integrity of the game. And I totally understand what he's talking about when he says he was convinced he was out until he saw the replay. It's like yeah, that chick was a 8 last night until you see her out at the Gap the next day in broad daylight and she's nothing more than a 5 who might possibly ride the short bus to school. I believe it's what Asia was referring to when they wrote Heat of The Moment. And you can handle this situation in two ways. Act all stoic and  say there is no chance in hell he was safe and bet your first born child on it or break down in tears, call yourself an asshole, slit your wrists for the world to see, go on national TV and say, "Hey world, this is my blood. It's red just like yours so love me!"