AC Milan Just Got Scary. Really, Really Scary

Robinho has ended his disappointing stay at Manchester City and moved to AC Milan on a four-year deal. Milan vice-president Adriano Galliani has confirmed that the transfer fee is an initial €18 million (£15m) plus bonuses and add-ons - a clear loss for City on the British record transfer fee splashed out to Real Madrid two years ago. Despite the huge investment made by City to sign him, Robinho struggled to justify the fee and spent several months on loan at Santos last season after falling out of favour with manager Roberto Mancini. The 26-year-old flew into Italy today to pass a medical. He will now join up with fellow new boy Zlatan Ibrahimovic at the San Siro as the club look to recapture the Serie A title for the first time since 2004. An official statement on the Milan website read: "AC Milan communicates it has acquired the player Robinho, outright from Manchester City. The Brazilian has signed a contract with the Rossoneri club for four years."Robinho started 48 league and cup matches for the Eastlands outfit and helped himself to 16 goals. After previously rejecting a move to Fenerbahce, he will now look to get his career back on track at the San Siro. Robinho joins the likes of Ibrahimovic, Ronaldinho, Alexandre Pato in an exciting looking forward line at Milan.

Ummmm Whoa. I saw the news and my exact reaction was "Whoa. Shit. Brady you reading what I'm reading?!?!" I don't care that Robinho acts like a spoiled little bitch who thinks the world owes him everything. Everybody said Ronaldinho was a fat, finished drunk when he moved to AC Milan and it seems like he's back on his game and is the only reason Brazil didn't win the World Cup this year. So the moral of the story is people don't know shit. Throw in the fact that Beckham might return sometime in Januaray and we have my new favorite team in the world. I know I'm all against Italian soccer but Robinho, Ronaldinho, Pato, Ibrahimovic and Beckham doesn't exactly sound like pussafied, watered down soccer.

Easy Now, Ron. Eassyyyyyy

Back away from the child! You can't just go around eating everything, big fella! And tell the kid to stop playing with his dick. It's a fucking picture, bro. Act accordingly.

Welp. 6.5 Back On August 30th. Now It's Really Over. Let's Vibe With Boyz II Men

Classic Parking Garage Story

NEW YORK -- A couple who left their car parked in a long-term lot near Kennedy Airport during a trip to California were trying to figure out what their car has been doing without them. Mimi and Ulrich Gunthart said their car odometer reading jumped by 724 miles while they were out of town. Ulrich Gunthart said he was "flabbergasted" when he saw the number. Another surprise: when they returned to the car and started it up, a music CD came on at full volume. David Menter, a regional manager for AviStar parking, said the company investigated and looked over inventory logs but "found nothing out of the ordinary." He said there have been no similar claims by other customers, and the company will be reviewing its procedures. The Guntharts said the incident won't stop them from parking at the lot again.

This is status quo for airport parking, right? Hey Ulrich, cut the shit about being "flabbergasted." Nobody uses the word "flabbergasted" unless they're really trying to stretch out the truth. I feel like these type of shenanigans are to be fully expected at this point. You saw Ferris Bueller, right? I'm not saying it's OK to take someone's car out but I'm also not saying I wouldn't give a porsche a bit of a test drive if I had the chance. You gotta love the regional manager's reaction, too. Found nothing out of the ordinary? Really? So the 724 extra miles on the whip and some unsigned rapper's mixtape blaring through the speakers is normal?

P.S. I really don't give a fuck about this story but that picture is money.

Like Father, Like Son

LAS VEGAS -- MGM Resorts International was under investigation after the underage son of basketball great Michael Jordan bragged on Twitter about partying at a Las Vegas Strip nightclub, Nevada gambling regulators said Monday. Officials were examining whether the casino operator violated laws prohibiting drinking or gambling by minors, Nevada Gaming Control Board enforcement chief Jerry Markling said. People under 21 often try to gamble or drink in Las Vegas, but punishment for casino operators depend on the circumstances, Markling said. Jordan's 19-year-old son Marcus Jordan tweeted Aug. 20 about spending $35,000 at Haze at Aria Resort & Casino. "Last night was stupid... 35K at Haze," the University of Central Florida sophomore guard said. "Totals 50K something the whole day."

Maybe I'm a product of the 90's but Michael Jordan can do no wrong in my eyes. People jumped all over him for having a self-centered Hall of Fame speech but I looked at it as his last way to stick it to every person who pissed him off a final. That's what fueled his game. That competitive fire. So cue everybody saying how bad of a father Michael Jordan is for passing his insane gambling addiction on to his son and letting him take thousands of dollars to the holy land. This is what I felt when I read how much he spent. "Uhhh homie threw up 35K! Roll on, playa! Roll on!" Seriously. I might transfer for UCF strictly for the sole purpose of hitting up Vegas with Marcus Jordan. You're telling me that "My dad is MJ" doesn't get you laid? Puuhh-leasee.

You Know Who Else Isn't Happy To Be Going To School Tomorrow? Thiss Guyyyyy

Let's not kid ourselves. J-Brault can't even touch my senior year and very few can even say they witnessed it. I came(yeshhhh), I saw(too much), I conquered(everything). Just like a shooting star, I flew in there, everybody said "ohhh! look at that!" and poof. I was gone. Good luck, sweet prince. Good luck.

I Know It's Preseason But....

FOXBOROUGH, Mass. -- After an inconsistent performance in a 36-35 loss to the Rams, quarterback Tom Brady said the Patriots “obviously don’t have everything solved at this point” and that it’s time to get back to work.  Brady pointed to the team’s slow start offensively as one of the disappointing aspects of the game. Three of the unit’s first four drives were just three plays, while the other was four plays.  If there was a positive aspect in Brady's view, it was how the offense responded with four straight touchdown drives. “Coach really challenged us at halftime to come out and play a lot tougher than we were playing, and I thought offensively we did a couple good things,” Brady said. “But in the end, it comes down to losing the game, and no one ever feels good about that around here.” Brady finished 18-of-22 for 273 yards with three touchdowns and no interceptions, the highlight his 65-yard bomb to receiver Randy Moss for a third-quarter touchdown. 

I don't what it is but it feels like Tom Terrific is a little more pissed off this season. Like he has something to prove and if I'm the rest of the NFL I'm saying "Uh-Oh." Everyone wants to talk about the Jets and the Ravens but don't forget about who the best QB in the league is, not the mention who has the most dangerous weapons on offense. Just like the 2007 season, The Pats are gonna be playing with a fuck you mentality and nothing would excite me more. I don't think I've ever been more jacked up for an upcoming NFL season. Rex Ryan must die.

Was I Right Or Was I Right?

PARAMUS, N.J. -- Tiger Woods finally looked like the No. 1 player in the world.  In his first tournament since his divorce, Woods played his best round of the year Thursday at The Barclays by missing only one fairway, putting for birdie on all but two holes and shooting a 6-under 65 for his lowest score all season."It feels good to be able to control my ball all day like this," Woods said. Woods' confidence was evident in another way -- his belief that the record he set as a goal long ago is still attainable. Asked after his post-round news conference if he still believes he will break Jack Nicklaus' record of 18 major titles, Woods told ESPNNewYork.com's Ian O'Connor, "Absolutely." "I look at it this way," Woods said, "[Ben] Hogan won all nine of his [majors] at my age and older. I think for every kid out there, the goal is to get there. That is the benchmark in our sport, and that's still my goal."

Tiger is finally talking like Tiger. In other words, he found his balls again and he's gonna use them. Does he think he's gonna crush Nicklaus' record of 18 major titles? "Absolutely." Boom. Not maybe, not possibly. Absolutely. He's back motherfuckers. No more stressing about the amount of money he's gonna have to pay and if more rumors spreading will affect it. That shit is all over now. The check has been written and all he cares about is winning majors and spending times with the children(and gambling with mj, staying at the bar late, calling in booty calls at 3 AM). It's like he go this mojo back. The short tempered, hard headed(heyooo) egotistical Tiger has re-emerged and I love it. It's clear he was simply stressing over his lady. He went through the cycle of wondering if Elin will take him back and when she finally said "fuck you, it's over" a weight was lifted.

Scottie Is Getting a Statue. Love That.

CHICAGO -- The Chicago Bulls will unveil a statue of Hall of Famer Scottie Pippen that will be displayed in the United Center at some point during the season. "Not only is Scottie Pippen one of the greatest players to ever wear a Bulls uniform, but he's among the best players in the history of the league to play the game," Bulls chairman Jerry Reinsdorf said in a statement. "He had a tremendous impact in bringing six world championships to Chicago and there is no better way to pay tribute to him than with a permanent statue that honors his inspirational career." Pippen was elected to the Hall of Fame on Aug. 13. He won six NBA titles with the Bulls, was named one of the 50 greatest NBA players and made seven All-Star teams.

Don't need to tell me Scottie Pippen deserves a statue. I was always a big fan of #33. Dude was money in his day and was probably the best player in the league after MJ retired for the first time.  Just your typical point-forward who can do it all. You want rebounds? OK. Want me to average 22 and 9 for my career and be fine with playing second fiddle? You got it. Wanna give me a bronze statue next to Michael? Uhh I fucking expect it.

Another Hard Day At The Office For Me and The Boss Man

1 post in 24 hours? Not my best effort but I shouldn't be 100% blamed here. It's not like my agent/manager/ceo is breathing down my back for more posts. Just nothing to talk about today and a wise, fat black man once told me to only makes moves when your hearts in it and live the phrase, "sky's the limit." Motherfuckers.

Don't You Dare Talk About Chan Gailey's Boys Like That

The Buffalo Bills may not be any tougher on their AFC East opponents this season, but new coach Chan Gailey has got a handle on his team's more unruly fans. After witnessing a group of Bills fans heckling QB Trent Edwards throughout practice Tuesday, Gailey approached the offenders. "I just was explaining to them why the players wouldn't be over there to sign some autographs for them," the first-year Bills coach said. "They said some things during practice that were derogatory to a couple of our players, and if you say something derogatory to one of us, you're saying it to all of us. So I told them don't go sign it for that crew."

Is this real life? Did a NFL head coach really approach a bunch of teenage boys for heckling Trent Edwards? Not Tom Brady. Not Brett Favre. Trent Edwards. Let Trent handle that shit. Have him sit back in the shotgun and deliver a laser right into the stands or something but do anything other than sending old man river to handle your business. What I would do in this situation? Simply tear off my helmet and yell, "Hey! Fuck you teenage boys!" Yeah that'll show those turds.

I Always Thought You Were a Bitch Anyway

DETROIT -- Johnny Damon is staying with the Tigers after all, saying "I love Detroit." The Tigers outfielder said before Tuesday night's game against Kansas City that he decided to pass up a chance to return to the Boston Red Sox, with whom he became a cult hero in helping lead the team to a World Series title in 2004, its first since 1918.  The Red Sox claimed Damon on waivers this week, but he had the right to veto a move to Boston because of a no-trade clause in his contract. "These guys really like me here," Damon said Tuesday, adding that he spoke to each of his teammates individually to be sure he was wanted in the Tigers' clubhouse. Damon said he was leaning toward staying put from the beginning. He texted former Red Sox teammate Jason Varitek and talked to David Ortiz, and both tried to convince him to return to Boston. "They told me they wanted a spark," Damon said. A source told ESPNBoston.com earlier in the day that the Red Sox were indeed interested in acquiring Damon and that the waiver claim was not merely to block a move to another team.

The guys really like you there? Yeah? That's why they put you on waivers to give you away, right? OK. I forgot that Johnny Damon is always the smartest guy in the room.  Silly me. I don't say this lightly but I totally want to beat the shit out of him right now. Just a poor man's Jacoby Ellsbury and Ellsbury has been on the field a total of 11 times this year.

This Is The Gayest Kid In The Little League World Series

He doesn't say he likes Miley Cyrus. His role model is Miley. That's one way to make a statement on the national stage. They always talk about homosexuals in professional sports but I think it's about time we start focusing on the little leaguers. They're catching the gay virus way too early.

America's Most Eligible Bachelor Is Released Back Into The Wild

Tiger Woods and his Swedish-born wife officially divorced Monday, nine months after his middle-of-the night car crash outside their home set off shocking revelations that the world's most famous athlete had been cheating on her through multiple affairs. "We are sad that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future," Woods and Elin Nordegren said in a joint statement released by their lawyers.  The divorce was granted in Bay County Circuit Court in Panama City, Fla., about 375 miles away from their Isleworth home outside Orlando. The couple married in October 2004 in Barbados and have a 3-year-old daughter, Sam, and a 19-month-old son, Charlie. The marriage was described in court documents as "irretrievably broken" with no point in trying to reconcile. Terms of the divorce were not disclosed, except that they will "share parenting" of their two children.

Now it's time to go to work. On and off the course.

Remember When He Used To Blog For Us?

Sox Claim Damon Off Waivers.

Could the Boston Red Sox be looking to recapture the magic of 2004 that brought an end of their 86-year World Series drought? Detroit Tigers outfielder Johnny Damon confirmed to reporters Monday that he has been claimed on waivers by the Red Sox and that he has until Wednesday to decide whether he would waive his no-trade clause to return to Fenway Park.  The Red Sox are one of the teams from which Damon has no-trade protection. The 36-year-old outfielder said he was not sure whether he would accept a deal to return to Boston, where he was a long-haired, bearded folk hero as a key part of the 2004 "idiots" that ended the city's 86-year World Series title drought. But when a source close to Damon was asked if Damon was coming to Boston, the source said, "I doubt it. But we'll see.''

It's like they opened up the wounds that just finished healing. But I wanna know why he has Boston listed one of the teams he doesn't want to be traded to. Like what the fuck did we do so bad? We're the ones who put out on the first date then totally got butt fucked in 2005. Would it kill ya to call and check in every once in a while?

P.S. Is That Matt Damon getting his hand slapped by Johnny? Weird world we live in. 

Dad Makes Worst Career Move Ever For His Daughter

SOUTHLAKE, Texas -- A Texas teenager who broke curfew is headed for a reluctant adventure in baby-sitting. Robert Rausch placed an advertisement offering his daughter's free baby-sitting services in the community newspaper in Southlake, a wealthy suburb of Dallas-Fort Worth that is home to business leaders and professional athletes. The advertisement names Rausch's 16-year-old-daughter and says, "Want a FREE BABYSITTER for a night out?" It explains that she is in trouble for missing her curfew and offers 30 hours of free baby-sitting. Rausch says he wanted to discipline his daughter and help others at the same time. And it appears his daughter has already learned a lesson. She says she won't violate curfew again or throw any more late-night parties.

Only in Southlake, Texas. There might be a thousand ways to punish a child for breaking curfew but rape seems a bit extreme and that's exactly what's gonna happen. Creeper #1 is looking through the paper and sees an ad for a free 16 year old up for grabs and needs punishment. Ummmm, can you say yahtzee? I mean the whole situation seems fishy and if you're gonna tell me papa bear isn't involved in some prostitution ring, I'm not buying it. Take away her phone, ban her from the computer, even throw her through a wall but don't let Tyreke use her to babysit his dick.

That's My Quarterback!

Moving the Chains: Tom Brady and the Pursuit of Everything

When asked if he’s watched the New York Jets on HBO’s “Hard Knocks", Patriots quarterback Tom Brady kept it light Monday morning during his weekly appearance on sports radio WEEI.  “I haven’t turned it on. I hate the Jets, so I refuse to support that show,” Brady told co-hosts John Dennis and Gerry Callahan.  Told that it’s hard to hate Jets coach Rex Ryan when watching the show, Brady responded, “I’m sure it’s great TV. I’m glad people are liking it but that’s just something I have no interest in watching. I’d love to say a lot of mean things, but I’d rather not do that either.” 

First off, how is it hard to hate Rex Ryan when watching that show? He comes off as the most egotistical, obese piece of shit in football. He's awful. They talk about how he's some great teacher and all they show is him walking around, talking shit and sneaking candy into his office. It's a joke. I watch Hard Knocks and feel good about the Pats because I know they're doing everything just the opposite of what the Jets. New York is talking while New England is working.

McFarlane Toys NFL 3 Inch Sports Picks Series 7 Mini Action Figure Tom Brady (New England Patriots)
McFarlane Toys NCAA COLLEGE Football Sports Picks Series 1 Action Figure Tom Brady (Michigan Wolverines)

Introducing Your 2010 Fantasy Football Champs

This isn't even my squad for the Champions League known as "Deb Powers is All The Rage." That's when I bring out the big guns and sit in solitude for my draft. Even make the cat knock 4 times on the door before I allow him in the war room.  I don't like that I have two NY Jets players on my roster but I'm not gonna complain if that means I was able to sneak Steven Jackson, Ronnie Brown and Ahmad Bradshaw on there. 3 starters who run angry. Did I mention I have Tom Terrific and baby Welker? Anquan Boldin is gonna be in pissed off, beast mode for Baltimore and Malcolm Floyd will be the #1 option in San Diego with Vincent Jackson holding out. That's a good thing when he's catching passes from Philly Rivers. I like this team. By week 8, I might have Aaron Hernandez starting at TE because he's Bristol's finest. Ho-hum. Give me the trophy.

Rory Just Woke Up a Sleeping Giant

Fresh off a third-place finish at the PGA Championship last weekend, Rory McIlroy is turning his attention to the Ryder Cup, indicating that he wants to face Tiger Woods in October. "I would love to face him," McIlroy said in an interview with the BBC on Monday. "Unless his game rapidly improves in the next month or so, I think anyone in the European team would fancy his chances against him." McIlroy is not convinced that Woods, who failed to qualify for the Ryder Cup for the first time, deserves one of U.S. captain Corey Pavin's four wild-card picks but still expects the No. 1 golfer to be on the American team.

I've been saying the same thing forever now. Tiger will get his game back and then it's lights out for the rest of the field. Like bring your protective eye wear because it's gonna be a laser show.  He's in the same realm as Kobe or MJ where they fuel off of other guys talking shit about them. Up until now, everybody was afraid to piss off Tiger. They all said he's gonna find his stroke and he'll be fine after a few reps on tour but it took a 21 year old irish boy to get the competitive juices flowing. Just a little something that kick starts the mojo. And it doesn't hurt that Europeans talk like gay assholes. "I think anyone would fancy his chances against him." What the fuck does that mean? Don't be cute with your phrasing. If you think you can beat Tiger, Say you can beat tiger. Don't put a skirt on and tip toe around it with your fancy shmancy talk and quick quips.

Jersey Shore Episode 4? Or 5? 4? I Don't Know

-Just like every episode, it begins with Ronnie coming home completely hammered.

-Snooks call her boyfriend, Emilio and he's at a club and she demands that he go outside to hear her. Snooki hangs up the phone and says "well go get a STD." That's pretty bold coming from Snooki.

-Emilio calls back and Jwoww tells him that he's "a drunk skank with no job." Wait. Isn't that every person on the show is?

-The roommates have a family dinner and decide to play a bowl of questions. Is that even a game? Sounds more like into a lion's den.

-"He doesn't wanna miss out but he doesn't wanna give up his cookie and that's sad. You need to give up the cookie, son so you can find another one. I'm eatin' chocolate chip cookies every night, dog!" -The Situation.

-"You need to to be on your tip top game with your GTL to stay FTD to get the girls to DTF in MIA. Say that 5 times fast"-Situation with the quote of the year. Say what you want about the guy but he's like Kobe in crunch time this season.

-Ronnie tells Sam that he hates her because he loves her. That makes sense. Sammi is probably thinking in her head, "Sooooooooo I have a chance?!?!"

-Everybody leaves Ronnie at the bar and he isn't too pleased. He shows up to the club later and Sammi is shocked and confused at why he's there. I know, I'm surprised too. Why would drunk Ronnie show up to the club? How did he do it? Especially when the producers need some drama to film. It's crazy! Ludicrous!

-Snooki and Jwoww say they can't be in the middle of the Ron/Sam but then announce there is an anonymous letter coming soon, thus throwing them right into the middle of the fight and really starting the fight. Something tells me this isn't the smartest bunch of kids.

-"I'm in Miami. I don't want girls studying for finals. I want girls studying for dick." - Classy, Vinny. Classy.

Get Me These Shades Now

Obviously it helps that Sean Avery is wearing them but those things are fucking money. Trust me. I read Esquire. I watch Mad Men. I know my fashion. Give me some clothes and 2 hours with Togs and I could have him banging the whole 4th floor of the Vance Dorms. Only freshman though because they don't know any better.

Antonio Cromartie Is Very Fertile

I don't know the exact numbers but he said he has 4 kids who are all about 6 months apart and then like 4 others who range from ages 5 to a new born. What are the chances that they're all from the same woman? Low. Very, very low. In other words, Cromartie is pretty much Ronnie in the Miami clubs. CEO and President of the I.F.F.

Is It Too Early To Give Us a Ring?

You can't say no to that hair. Just flows too perfectly out the back of the helmet. That's what we in the blogging biz call "moxy" and Tom Terrific has is running through his blood. Pats/Packers Super Bowl. Book it.

Rex Ryan Holds Meeting With Tony Dungy. No Word On Whether He Ate Him Yet.

CORTLAND, N.Y. -- New York Jets coach Rex Ryan, bothered that Tony Dungy criticized him publicly for cursing on camera, said Thursday he cleared the air in a "man-to-man" conversation with the former coach.

Ryan said Dungy, an NBC analyst, accepted his invitation to make a get-acquainted visit to the Jets' facility.  "I wanted him to know how I felt," Ryan said. "We talked man-to-man. He told me his position, and I definitely told him my position. It was good. He knows some people I know. There are a lot of positive things being said about me ... We'll leave it at that. We look forward to having him come up and see what we're all about." Ryan and Dungy spoke Wednesday, not long after Ryan fired back at the former Colts and Buccaneers coach. Ryan said Dungy "unfairly judged" him after the profanity-laden first episode of HBO's "Hard Knocks," which is following the Jets during training camp. 

I hate Rex Ryan and the Jets more than anything but who fuck does Tony Dungy think he is? He wins a ring and suddenly he thinks he's the Pope or something.  Isn't he Michael Vicks mentor or some bullshit like that? You think he was using civilized words when he threw 2 dogs in the ring and let them kill each other? And I hope Lord Dungy reads this blog by some divine chance so I could also hold a meeting with him just like Rex Ryan. Except in this meeting I'd grab Tony Dungy by the balls and tell him it's OK to use them every once in a while. You'd be surprised by how good it feels.

This Is Good News

The Hartford Whalers will be in next month's release of NHL 11 from EA Sports. Well, it won't be the likes of Kevin Dineen, Ron Francis or Ray Ferraro appearing in the game. Instead, the beautiful green and white jerseys that they wore will be an alternate selection if you choose to play for or against the Carolina Hurricanes. Classic jerseys have been in EA's NHL games for a while now, but the addition of the Whale is something gamers have been wishing for since the franchise moved to Carolina.

Ohhhh baby. Ohhhhhhhh baaabyyyyy!!!!!!  I didn't think EA Sports could top NHL 2010 but here we are. What's gonna be my first move? Play as Carolina, use the fantasy draft, pick up Sean Avery and Patrick Kane then only play in the Whalers jersey. Cue the Music!

This Is Our New Big Man?

Notre Dame's finest. Once a nerd, always a nerd.

Remember When I Said The Girl Who Got Hit With The Foul Ball Was a 6? Whoops!

On second thought she's like a 7.5 Just barely making it onto my radar.

Fight Football League. Holy Shit.

Fight Football League (FFL), is an organization which promotes a new form of entertainment that takes inspiration from an ancient game called "Harpastum".  This very popular game during Roman Empire was practiced as a training for battle, it is the foundation of modern Soccer and Rugby and it is still played once a year since 1500 in Florence, Italy with the name of "Calcio Storico".  Fightfootball takes the essence of these legendary games, introducing innovative rules and equipment to develop a tough but safe nonconventional postmodern form of sport.  In the FFL the objective is to score goal, however, players are aloud to fight their opponents using several fighting techniques. FFL Rules are manifold, it is aloud to fight only one against one, it is not aloud to strike when running or towards whom is running, no hit from the back or on the ground, injuries or KO's can consequence into the elimination of the player. 

I'm sold. Say no more. All I had to hear was that this was a popular game during the Roman Empire and used as practice in training for battle.  Doesn't get much more hardcore than that. The part that I like about this is it just seems like exactly what we used to do when we were younger and needed some new exciting game to play. How do you think knee hockey was invented? And wall ball erupted after we got bored of playing wiffle ball every fucking day. These crazy italians were playing soccer one day, a fight broke out, some dude threw the ball into the net and whammy. We have fight football league.

Brett Favre Wants The Headlines Back From Lebron

EDEN PRAIRIE, Minn. -- Brett Favre is back in the building. The 40-year-old quarterback returned to Minnesota on Tuesday, arriving in a private jet trimmed in the Vikings' purple and gold with three teammates -- guard Steve Hutchinson, defensive end Jared Allen and place-kicker Ryan Longwell -- who were sent to Hattiesburg, Miss., to bring him back for one more shot at a Super Bowl.  Longwell told ESPN's Rachel Nichols in a text message that Favre told the three he would play for the Vikings this season. "We simply went down there to get an answer and after talking for a while, his answer was 'yes,'" Longwell said.

Must suck to be Tavaris Jackson, huh? He's given the keys to the castle every year for 3 weeks only to have them ripped away by Favre just as he's planning his house warming party.  But none of this comes as a shock to anybody because old Brett is a drama queen. He's that guy who is always iffy when it comes to going out at night. You ask  him if he's going to the party and he says. "ehh I don't know" and he doesn't commit until you get about 3 other people to plead because he wants to feel loved. That's what it's all about. He needs that attention. Favre was probably neglected a lot as a child.

Lebron James Is So Silly. Oh. He's Serious?

The story looks at the weeks leading up to and just after his July 8 announcement on ESPN -- on a show titled "The Decision," which was widely panned. James said he wouldn't change anything about how he made his decision, or how he told the world about it. James told GQ: "I understand that a lot of people would be hurt" in Cleveland by his decision, but also said that growing up, he and his friends from Akron didn't always like Cleveland. Akron is about 40 miles south of Cleveland. "It's not far, but it is far," James told GQ. "And Clevelanders, because they were the bigger-city kids when we were growing up, looked down on us. ... So we didn't actually like Cleveland. We hated Cleveland growing up. There's a lot of people in Cleveland we still hate to this day." James said he'll remain anchored in Akron. "I'm going to spend a lot of the summer here," he said. "This is my home. Akron, Ohio, is my home. I will always be here. I'm still working out at my old high school." And he said Cleveland fans were "awesome," but didn't take back his comment late last season that those around him were "spoiled" by his play. "I love our fans. Cleveland fans are awesome," he told GQ. "But I mean, even my family gets spoiled at times watching me doing things that I do, on and off the court." 

Enough with the argument that we would all love Lebron if he played for our team and we're just jealous and yada yada yada. It's such a cheap way of ignoring the real flaws in Lebron as a man. I really don't give a shit that he picked Miami. It wouldn't be my ideal choice to end your career as a legend but that's really not the point. It's the way that Lebron went about announcing his decision, making it into some big spectacle and coming out of it half the person that he was before it aired. His stock plummeted over night like Tiger. I'm more pissed off I got sucked into watching every minute of The Decision than I am with his actual choice. The bottom line is Lebron has gone off the deep end. His family gets spoiled by watching him play? Are you fucking kidding me? How big does ones ego have to be to make it seem like your own flesh and blood, the people who made you what you are today, are spoiled by watching you put a ball in a hoop? It's crazy but the shocking truth is Lebron is so fucking serious when he says this shit. He's on a different planet and I don't know if we'll ever get him to come down.

Kanye Will No Longer Curse

US rapper Kanye West has revealed that he has given up swearing as part of his new 'positive' way of thinking. West, 33, said that he has a new 'Rosewood' outlook on life. In an interview with DJ Clue, the hip-hop star said: 'That's the Rosewood Mentality, like affluence, like not [swearing] loud in public, pulling out chairs for your lady, opening up doors.'That's where I am at 33 and it's ill ’cause I'm at this really good emotional, great place in my life, and they're always saying in hip-hop that you have to be in a dark place to make great hip-hop.'

Before you lose your shit and go wild that Kanye stopped wearing, settle down. He said he's no longer swearing in public. You put me around 12 dudes and it's like a fucking pirate ship but make me throw a button down on, take the lady out to eat and I'm nothing but cordial. But holding doors isn't just a thing you do for a woman. It's something you do for all walks of life and nothing pisses me off more than some asshole who walks in front of you and lets the door close and slap you in the dick. Same thing with holding a door for someone and they don't say thanks or any sign of appreciation. It's like "hey bro, I could've went on my merry way but I didn't because I have morals and you couldn't give a flying fuck. Kill yourself. Seriously. Kill yourself. Do it. Now."

Ashton Kutcher Is a Sox Fan? I'm Not Cool With That

Little weird, no? He's rocking the Sox cap when we're in third place and surviving this season on nothing but a hope and prayer. I'm still representing the Boston gear but that's cause I'm the real deal. The real article. It's odd that he's jumping on our band wagon when the wheels are coming off. That's all.

K-Rod Injures Thumb In Fight. So Does The Father In Law Win?

HOUSTON -- New York Mets closer Francisco Rodriguez suffered a torn ligament in his right thumb while allegedly striking the grandfather of his children last week at Citi Field, a team official said, and he is done for the season. Rodriguez, who pitched Saturday with discomfort in his return from a two-day team suspension, was examined Monday at the Hospital for Special Surgery in Manhattan. Team doctors recommended surgery, but a date for the procedure has yet to be scheduled.  "Obviously I'm disappointed, discouraged, frustrated," Mets manager Jerry Manuel said. "When you get this kind of news it's ... we've just been through a lot. We seem to continue to have difficulties keeping things from -- having these type of injuries or these type of setbacks. Every year it seems like we get a little something here or there." Manuel didn't dispute that Rodriguez will miss the rest of the season but said he didn't know how much longer beyond that it will take for the reliever to recover. Rodriguez was charged with third-degree assault and second-degree harassment as a result of the incident in the family room at Citi Field last Wednesday. "You can make the assumption that the injury resulted from the incident last week," the official said.

I wanted to blog about this story when it initially happened but I knew there would be something more to. Some sort of fall out like his father in law knocked up his mom or K-Rod ended up injuring himself in the fight. Well, K-rod injured himself in the fight and there's no excuses for that. It's the main reason why I only get into scuffles during the off-season. I need these thumbs for the fall and winter months when the fans need some blogs to warm their souls. But the summer? Pshhhh. Whatever. I'll get on here 12 beers deep sometimes and start whipping up shit that makes no sense. This fight just seemed silly and unnecessary. I may stand for a lot of things but fighting within the family is not one of them. Imagine thanksgiving next year. K-rod's poor father in law is gonna be watching over his back every 3 minutes because he's scared of getting cold cocked in the middle of the kitchen. That's tension that's not needed on turkey day.


P.S. Is it just me or does K-Rod look like a brown Togs? Wait, is Togs mexican? Are mexicans brown? Are they even considered humans? This is going waaayyy too far.

I Know I'm Not Blogging Well. I Guess I Just Miss My Friend..

Scott Boucher... who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side. Scott Boucher... headed for the Atlantic. Sometimes it makes me sad, though... Scotty being gone. I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend.

Tom Brady Calls Linemen a Bunch Of Fat Cows

Patriots QB Tom Brady has always been close with his linemen. He once famously held off doing a national commercial until his bodyguards would be included, and center Dan Koppen is one of his best friends. So it was odd a few days ago when Brady ripped into his linemen in a rant that was both rare and absolutely hilarious. Yahoo! Sports’ Michael Silver, who arrived in Foxboro this week and wrote this and this, tells the story about how Brady called his guys — seriously — fat cows.
“Yeah, I know – it wasn’t my finest moment,” Brady said told Silver Tuesday night. “I got a little heated, and I was surprised that came out of my mouth. Someone said to me later, ‘Tom, did you really call us fat cows in the huddle?’ I started laughing. But at the time, it wasn’t funny.”
Tough to hear that and not laugh. But Silver, who has written several features on Brady over the years, uses it to show how serious Brady is for the season. 

Listen, I can totally relate because when you're on top of your game you want nothing but perfection from your guys. When Scotty Bouch was on the payroll you think I complimented him on every blog? I did but only after I broke him down to nothing so I could build him into exactly what I wanted. Nay, exactly what I needed. Yeah, it's hard to hear that you're blogging like a homo and reading your words is worse than getting stabbed with sowing needles but it only makes it better when we sit down in a tux and I toast a bottle of whiskey to you. Tom Terrific wants perfection from the guys who cover his ass just like I want it from anyone who represents Ogling Ed Hochuli. I get it.

Jersey Shore Episode 3 Blah, Blah, This Is Getting Old Already

Before we get into this I just wanna point out that I had the pleasure of watching Jersey Shore with Snooki so that was interesting. To say the least.

-Open up with Angelina smacking Pauly D again. Pauly didn't think it was cool. Situation demands that Angelina gets in her fucking bed. It's sad when The Situation is the only sensible dude on the show.

-Pauly D tells Angelina "you're done." That's mob talk.

-Angelina denies smacking Pauly. Situation takes off his shades and gives her the "Oh no" face.

-Vinny, Ronnie, and Jwhore go to work at the ice cream store. Booooringggggg. At least let Jwoww show off the titties.

-Angelina pretends like she doesn't remember what happened the night before. Why do people do that? They get drunk and fuck up then act like they don't remember a thing. Be a man! Put your name on it!

-Vinny has a tough time finding a barber. Most people would laugh at this but I totally get it. I'm terrified to see the day that Roger Michelle can no longer cut hair. I don't always look good on accident, bitches.

-The Situation is acting like the daddy in the house and tries to help Angelina fit in. I guess it makes sense because between him and Pauly, they're like 62 years old.

-Vinny tells Snooki that she looks good and she responds with a, "really? You tryin to smush right now?" I don't know why but I'm gradually developing a crush on Snooks.

-Angelina apologizes to Snooki for talking shit and the beef is suddenly squashed. PHEW! I couldn't stand that tension.

-Ronnie gets hammered and Sammi doesn't appreciate that. Especially when he dances on her and rubs his cock in her face(thought sluts love that). Then the fighting starts. Sammi goes home. Ronnie creeps on chicks. I'll repeat this exact line for the next 13 episodes.

-Ronnie is dancing and dancing and dancing. This breaks Snooki's heart as she holds her heart and yells "oh my god" 7 times. She approaches Ronnie and he gives her a 15% shove.

-After the shove, all the guys get on Ron and hold him back. REALLY? This chick gets knocked the fuck out last year and you do nothing but your best friend slightly pushes her and it's like a call to arms? Really?

-Ronnie pulls out a number from his pocket and says "That's what...that's what I got." Then he starts speaking spanish, falls to the ground and then sleeps with Sammi. He asks to smoosh. 

-Vinny passes out on the been chair and Snooki stumbles on him to call her boyfriend. Shit happens. They end up in Vinny's bed and she asks "You wanna fuck?" Vinny says "sure." Only in Miami.

-The best scene of the season happens in the gellato shop 12 minutes later. Sam and Ronnie have a moment at work and the camera pans over to a random co-worker who simply nods like "yeah, bro. get em."

-MVP supporting the GFF. Love that. Boys night out.

-MVP ditches Angelina by isolating her then running out the door and going to the club. I wanna know how many takes it took them to get that scene down. Probably 4.

-Pauly says "God! There's land mines everywhere!" These boys are taking heavy fire in the middle of the bronx zoo. Stay tuned to see if they make it.

-Hot tub is filled with at least 7 chicks. Situation puts water on his face and exclaims "We got grenades man!" In their defense, the girls aren't thaattt bad. Like if you're drunk and desperate it's not a lost night.

-Snooki has to stand on a stool to reach the ice cream cones at work. It's kind of adorable. I'm terrified for how I'm feeling right now.

-It's official. We now know the fellas go out to the club at 12:12 AM. They don't even leave the house till after that. Is that normal for club people? They're a whole different species.

-Ronnie throws on a polo and a low golf hat. The frat boy look is in full effect tonight. Show ends.

People Keep Asking What I Think About This

I don't really see the big deal here. First of all, the boyfriend was an idiot before the foul ball based on the clothes he selected to wear to the game. What kind of hat is that? Zoo York? You go to a baseball game, probably have an array of fitted hats and you don't rock an Astros cap? Weak, bro. Weak. And what's this chick complaining about? Listen baby girl, you wanna sit in the seat closest to the kitchen then be prepared to catch a little burn.  Plus she's like a 6. Not even cute. In my book you gotta be a 7.5 or higher for me to give a shit about. So yeah the dude is an asshole for being a pussy and not catching the ball but the chick is ugly so she doesn't really have any rights as far as I'm concerned. Hitting her in the face could only help her looks.

Get Down With Your Bad Self, Brandon Phillips. Get Down

After saying some bad things about the St. Louis Cardinals, Cincinnati Reds second baseman Brandon Phillips tried to make nice with Cards catcher Yadier Molina, giving him a little love tap with the bat as he stepped into the batter's box in the first inning of the Cards-Reds game Tuesday night in Cincinnati. Molina was having none of it and a brawl erupted, resulting in the ejection of managers Tony LaRussa (a plus for the Cardinals) and Dusty Baker. "He talked bad about my team, he talked bad about me," Molina said on a postgame interview with Fox Sports Midwest. "Don't talk bad and come up and say 'hi' to me. That's stupid." What, exactly, were the fightin' words? Well, here you go, from Rob Neyer and Hal McCoy : "I'd play against these guys with one leg. We have to beat these guys. I hate the Cardinals. All they do is [bleep] and moan about everything, all of them, they're little [same bleep, plural], all of 'em. I really hate the Cardinals. Compared to the Cardinals, I love the Chicago Cubs. Let me make this clear: I hate the Cardinals."

Usually I'm against baseball players brawling because it never amounts to anything. Two guys yell, the benches clear, the teams size each other up until the umps get involved and then it's play ball. But last night wasn't that. Last night started out hot and ended with some dude pinned up against the wall, throwing kamikaze combos with his feet. That's when you know you've gotten yourself into a vicious cock a fight. When things escalate from barking and shoving to the other guy getting the crazy look in his eyes and it's like 1812 all over again. I'm not explaining that analogy.

Lebron James Is Taking Names. Oh No!

Whether it's to live up to high expectations or to prove doubters wrong, the Miami Heat's new stars are gathering motivation from different sources for the coming season. LeBron James, in a comment posted on his Twitter account Tuesday, said: "Don't think for one min that I haven't been taking mental notes of everyone taking shots at me this summer. And I mean everyone!" said James is using criticism about his departure from Cleveland "as fuel to do well next season." "We're always all aware of what we do and how critics can be out there sometimes," Bosh said. "[James] uses it to fuel his ambition to win next year. I think we're going to have a lot of doubters. But that's fine, you know, that's a part of the game. As long as we come together and play the game the way it's supposed to be played I think we're going to be successful."

Yaawwnnnnnn. Wake me up when this asshole wins a ring and then I'll take his empty threats a little more seriously. You don't see Kobe on twitter. You never saw MJ going to the media, he just let his dominating play speak for itself. I don't remember hearing about any teammates of Larry Bird banging his mother because he wasn't respected in the locker room.  Listen, if you wanna crown Miami then crown their ass but when they lose to Boston in the playoffs after Lebron chokes again, I'll be the guy screaming "They are who we thought they were!"

Story Of The Year? Yup. Story Of The Year.

A flight attendant ran out of patience on a plane that just landed at JFK on Monday afternoon, so he allegedly cursed a blue streak over the p.a. system, grabbed some beers,  pulled the emergency chute, slid down and ran from the plane,  sources said. Jet Blue employee Steven Slater, 38, was working on Flight 1052 from Pittsburgh to Kennedy Airport, which landed at around 12 p.m., when he got into a verbal altercation with a passenger, law-enforcement sources said. Following a heated exchange, the flight attendant told off the entire plane on the public address system, activated an emergency chute near the back of the plane and jumped down the evacuation slide and ran for it.  The argument began when one of the 100 passengers on the flight, got up early to get her luggage from an overhead compartment, according to sources. Slater told the passenger to sit back down -- but, as he approached, the woman continued to pull her belongings down and struck him in the head with her bag, authorities said. Slater asked for an apology but the woman cursed him out, saying in effect "go f--k yourself" and calling him a "mo-fo," according to law enforcement sources who are still sorting out the specifics. Then Slater got on the flight's announcement system and allegedly cursed out  everyone on the plane -- especially the person who mouthed off to him, according to law enforcement sources. When his tirade was through, he then took a some beers from the galley and pulled the emergency chute and slid off the Embraer 190 plane.  According to police sources, he threw his luggage down first and said something to the effect of "there goes 28 years," before he took the plunge.

Say Steve Slater has a foul mouth, bitch about how he has no patience and should be fired but don't you dare tell me he doesn't have priorities in line. Poor guy just wanted to get his ass off that plane without having to wait 4 fucking hours. He clearly had a party to go to, that's why he snagged the beers. Those package stores close a little bit early in his neck of the woods so imagine what would have happened if he showed up late AND with no booze? Whoa. Been there, done that. Death stares all night. Public enemy #1. I actually have no problem in the way he went about his business either. Ever sit on a plane and sit there for 30 minutes after it landed as the captain plays with his dick? It sucks. You wait and wait and wait and wait. Slater probably went through the same routine for 5 stops before this, with the same crew and captain and he suddenly snapped when he got called a "mo-fo" by some woman(Guarantee she was black). Those are fighting words. Call me fucker or asshole but not motherfucker after you tell me to go fuck myself. That's when daddy puts the kids to bed and gets his grown man business on. I'll get on the PA and show you all just how much of a motherfucker I really am. I just wanna know what he meant by "there goes 28 years." He's 38 so has he been working for Jet Blue since he was 10? Was he planning this for 28 years? So many questions I wish I could ask our newest America hero, Steve Slater. Cheers to you, pal. You're one in a million. No, you're one in 10 million.

Wait. We're Exactly Where We Were On Thursday? And We Even Moved Up On Tampa? Yahtzee!

I feel reborn. Given a second life or something. I'm starting to feel some good vibrations about this season. Tampa Bay is the type of team that goes on 30 game losing streaks and it looked like Lester was back on the horse today. Ellsbury even had his mojo working. Throw in Pedroia returning in 10 days and we're really only missing Youk. Daddy likes. I'm picking up good vibrations, indeed! Come on! Come on! Feel it! Feel it!

Brody Jenner Is a Chump.

Brody Jenner recently debuted his inner rocker by sporting a new Mohawk. Reports are now saying Brody Jenner vamped up the new look by shaving the letter A into the right side of his head. Brody Jenner and Avril Lavigne have reportedly been going strong since the spring and what better way to prove his devotion to the punk-pop-princess?

I used to genuinely like Brody Jenner. Like I thought he was a good dude but then all of a sudden this cloud of hate came over me.  He's a dork. Can't put it more simply than that. And he's also an idiot. Hey bro, you're desperate to show a girl that you love her? Maybe send her some flowers. Take her out to eat. Buy her something nice. I don't know. But I know the last thing you should do is shave the first letter of her name into your skull, especially an "A." I could walk down the street, be fully aware that he's dating Avril Lavigne and I'd still say,"What the fuck? A? What does that even mean? Oh, it's for your girlfriend? That's uhhhhh really gay." The sad thing is I know a hand full of guys who would make this same move. They're the dumb shits who throw a heart after every facebook wall post or end a text with a smiley face and then an exclamation point. You're a man. Be a man. That's her job. Homo. Now go tell me how my ass tastes.

Tyler Lorenzen Is Doing Just Fine

One day he's grilling up hot dogs with me then winning the Super Bowl and the next he's slugging beers with Obama. Well I'm right behind ya, big shooter.

Grandpa Shaq Wants Grandpa Sheed

Both Shaquille O'Neal and Rasheed Wallace were in Orlando this weekend to support their mothers in a charity basketball game between NBA moms and NFL moms. Before the game, O'Neal became the latest member of the Celtics organization to lobby for Wallace to return next season, telling WFTV that he knew Wallace was pondering a return, then looking into the camera and saying, "Rasheed, go on and come back for one or two more years." (Check out the video above from CSNNE.com).  Earlier this offseason, both Jermaine O'Neal and Paul Pierce suggested they would also lobby Wallace to return, but Celtics president of basketball operations Danny Ainge has consistently stated its his belief that Wallace plans to walk away. If Wallace does plan to retire, the Celtics could move his contract to a team in need of salary cap or luxury tax relief, and net a player in return. If Wallace returns, it would create a bit of a frontcourt logjam, particularly when Kendrick Perkins comes back from offseason knee surgery, but having a surplus of All-Star-caliber big men seems like an excellent problem for a championship contender.

What's the old saying? One decaying big man deserves another?  I might have been one of the only Sheed supporters left on the planet but not anymore. If it means we can ship his contract off to another for a sharp shooting wing named Rudy Fernandez then I'm all for it. We have way too many egos in that locker room as it is right now without Wallace so what's gonna happen after a 3 game losing streak and everyone starts pointing the finger at everybody but themselves? In the words of Ronnie, "One match and poof." Can't have that.

Welp. Time To Pack It In

Amen, brother. Amen. We get beat by CC. I'm fine with that. Whatever. But we put our "ace" on the mound against a fucking career minor league who doesn't even have a name and we muster up 1 run in 6 innings? Really? REALLY? We suck. We really, really, really fucking suck. No excuses. Fuck the injuries. This was bad pitching, bad defense, poor hitting. Everything you do to lose a game, we did it. And I'm not kidding about the pitcher. You could offer me a zillion dollars(that's a shit ton of cash) and I couldn't tell who this dude is pitching for the Yankees. He looks like a nerd. So we lost to a nerd. A dork. A whimp. But I'd rather be a nerd over a bunch of vaginas any day of the week and twice on sunday.