Dan Carcillo is a Poor Man's Sean Avery


According to several Flyers beat writers, forward Danny Carcillo will be inserted back into the lineup for Game Two of the Stanley Cup Finals against the Chicago Blackhawks Monday night at the United Center. Carcillo has been a healthy scratch since Game Four of the Eastern Conference Finals when Peter Laviolette took him out of the lineup for the return of Jeff Carter. The decision to remove Carcillo from the lineup was one that I never understood because he’s an important piece to the puzzle with the energy he brings each night.

Long story short. He's not as good as Sean Avery and he's definitely not as good looking as Sean Avery. Yeah, Avery is gonna pick on your goal scorers but he's not gonna fight and attack them like Carcillo does. He's just a pest.  And not the cute, cuddly pest that you wanna take home to mom like me and hope you can change for the better. He's the ugly, I wanna punch you so hard in the face that it'll kill your whole family kind of pest.

I Want To Go To This Party

Another big name wants in on the upcoming NBA free-agent superstar summit. Amare Stoudemire, who is likely to opt out of the final year of his current contract, told AOL Fanhouse that he expects to join in talks with LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh and Joe Johnson before free agency begins on July 1. "I'm friends with LeBron, Dwyane, Chris [Bosh] -- all those guys are friends of mine," Stoudemire told AOL Fanhouse. "So I'm pretty sure they'll call me and we'll talk about a few things." Wade told the Chicago Tribune last week that he planned to talk with James and Johnson before making a decision on where he would sign this summer. A source told ESPN The Magazine's Chris Broussard that Bosh also would be part of those talks.

I might be the smallest guy there but that's not any different from my actual life so count me at this bro fest.  Just imagining this get together gets me all sorts of excited. I bet it's gonna start out civilized with the guys actually talking business but then Amare will pop a bottle and that's when things are gonna get real fucking crazy, real fucking fast. They start wagering what teams they're gonna join by what drinking games they win. Wade hits game cup and tells Bosh that he's gotta join him in Miami while Joe Johnson is hammered and makes some comment to Lebron about Delonte West banging his mom and any hope of Chicago getting James and Johnson on the team is shattered. And if you don't think any of this is realistic then you haven't sat around one night with 12 guys and bottles of alcohol. Things happen. Lives change.

Girl Gets Burned By The Slide Instead of The Climb.

DES MOINES, Iowa -- An 18-month-old girl suffered second-degree burns to her hands, knees and stomach after going down a hot plastic slide at a Des Moines playground. Madyson Gomez was playing at Brook Run Park on Wednesday afternoon when she began screaming."I ran over there and she was on there for less than a minute and I went over and by the time I got over to her she actually lost it and went down and that's how she got the burn on her stomach," baby sitter Kerry Welch said.Welch took Madyson to the hospital, where Madyson was met by her mother."She had about golf ball-sized blisters on both of her hands," Nicole Hollingshead said.Hollingshead said she couldn't believe a slide could burn a child so badly, so she went to the park to check it out herself."I was just even more dumbfounded when I saw it was a plastic slide," she said. "I said, 'Oh my God, something has to be wrong with the slide. Maybe it was defective material.' Aren't they supposed to be heat resistant?"

First off let's cut the shit with the whole 18 month old girl. She's 1 and a half years old. Why try to make the kid sound younger than she actually is? It's time to start taking responsibility for your actions, bitch. You're on earth for over year then it's go time. The cord has already been cut. Now I may be old and wise beyond my years but one thing I remember about slides is you do the touch test before you plop your ass on it and go for a ride. It's common sense. You make your 35 year old pitcher take a physical before a new contract, check the cheese for mold after a week and you certainly put your hand on the fucking slide to see if it's hot. Wake the fuck up. It 'aint rocket science, baby girl. And is this mom serious? She was shocked when she found out the slide was plastic. Really? You really think plastic is heat resistant? I can't defend that. I can't wait for when her kid knocks the pot off the stove and she comes out with something like, "What?!? Water boils?!?! But isn't that what snow is made out of?"

US Soccer Teams Sneaks Away To South Africa

STERLING, Va. -- They don't make road trips like this anymore. It starts in summer and ends in winter, could last up to six weeks and, by the way, the whole world will be watching. There was plenty to think about Sunday as the U.S. team arrived at Dulles International Airport for the 17-hour flight to South Africa for the World Cup. "It starts to get real now, you know?" goalkeeper Marcus Hahnemann said. Hahnemann and his teammates pulled off one final trick play before leaving U.S. soil: They went in through the "out" door. The team entered the airport through the arrivals area -- instead of departures -- and went straight through security, bypassing the South African Airways ticket counter -- where some employees had dressed in U.S. team jerseys -- and a handful of disappointed fans who hoped to wish the team well."I was hoping to see them," said Alan Muhealden of Centreville, Va., who wore his Landon Donovan jersey and waited 4 hours but didn't get to glimpse a single player. "I'm not too disappointed. I still support them."

Oh those sly dogs! Seriously why is this even a story? Is there really nothing else to talk about in US Soccer news? It's not shocking to hear that a team used an exit as an entrance because believed it or not, that's usually how Donahue has his gay sex but that's a different story for a different time. And why is the US team flying out of an airport? I don't think Lebron or Kobe had to ride US Air when they went into the olympics. It's the biggest sporting event in the world and we can't even send our guys out in a private jet and in style? The oil spill might be a big deal but sending Clint Dempsey out on Air Force One should've been on the top of Barack's to do list. 

Don't Look Now But Team Night Moves Just Took Over First Place

4 wins and 2 losses. Let's. Go.

I'm Not Blogging Until The Celtics Win.

You see that guy right there? That's gonna be me until the C's wake the fuck up and stomp on the throats of every Magic fan. I can't take it anymore. The last 2 games have been the most frustrating minutes of basketball I've ever watched. Just two different teams out there. No defense, no Rondo playing at full speed, no team basketball, and no wins. Can't close out a series by changing up your entire game plan mid playoffs.


P.S. What are the chances of Big Baby passing a neurological test today? Even without a concussion the guy is still 1/3 retarded.

Stop Scheduling Shit When I'm Busy!


Alright, i'm aware that i haven't been blogging at all lately and i've missed the first two days of WBL. Is it my fault im a busy freakin dude?! Maybe, but the bigger problem is the scheduling. You cant just spring stuff on me last minute. Give me like a week in advance so i can tell my boss i need work off so i can kick Kevin Nestico's ass in wiffle ball. What no one knows is i've been practicing in my free time when i actually can play but connor says no. Ask my little brother how my knuckle ball is, or how my defense was when i played on the beach last weekend. It's gonna be like Jeter coming off the DL. Ill be back with a vengence!

This Week In WBL...

We're quickly becoming the most hated team in the league. Too much talk, too much swag, too much production. But let's start off with the elephant in the room. Am I coming off a loss right now that can rest squarely on my small shoulders? Unfortunately, yes. But do I still make hitters shake when they step into the box? Fortunately, yes. If you told me weeks ago that we'd be sitting at 2-2 right now, still very much in the hunt for a ring then I would've married the shit out of you. Not bad for a bunch of dudes who never played baseball. The fact of the matter is that we haven't even played with our full team yet and I don't know if we ever will. Scott Boucher is half the man that he used to be. Just totally not the kid I drafted.  You might even go as far as to say he has feminine ways or vagtastic motives. And that's a phrase I don't use lightly. Wake the fuck up, bro. I'm not saying I'm mad but I'd totally push you into the ground if I saw you.

Cristiano Ronaldo Has The World By The Balls

Must be nice. I wish I could sit on my yacht all day and shower bitches with my 12 foot long hose then go play in the biggest sporting event in the world in 2 weeks.

The Magic Are Down 3-1. Cue The Excuses

ORLANDO, Fla. -- Maybe this is why Orlando Magic forward Rashard Lewis has been struggling in the Eastern Conference finals: He's been playing with a viral infection. Lewis says he's been sick the "whole series" against the Boston Celtics. "Overall it effects you," he said after Orlando's shootaround Wednesday. "I've been throwing up. I haven't been at full strength. I've been feeling weak, my legs been feeling weak. I find myself getting tired very fast in the first quarter. You know, when you can't hold food down you have no energy in your body to go out there and perform."

I'm actually kinda shocked it took Rashard Lewis to come up with this. And I got a funny little feeling that says if Lewis puts up 15 tonight and brings the series to 3-2 then he'll miraculously be cured of this illness. It's bullshit and we accept this type of behavior and I don't know. Just wait until Jeff Van Gundy or whoever is doing the game tonight calls Lewis' performance as "gutsy" and that he's getting his grown man on or something. Another thing I'd like to see in the future is TV announcers have no censor on their mouth. Like when someone flops or complains to the ref, I wanna hear "Oh take the fucking tampon out of your shorts, bro. Stop being such a vagina." Or the commentators are set up to a text machine and they can read off things during timeouts like "Connor from Burlington, CT says that aint no sock in KG's crotch!" That's just the type of world I hope to live in some day.

This Kid is Such a Dude




He don't give a F about nothin!

Super Bowl Coming To NY In 2014

IRVING, Texas -- If you build it, they will come -- wearing winter coats. The New Meadowlands Stadium, the $1.6 billion jewel co-owned by the New York Giants and Jets, will host the 2014 Super Bowl, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced Tuesday afternoon at the league's spring meeting. "It's a historic moment for the league," Goodell said. Saying that New York is a unique market, Goodell added: "It will be a great experience for our fans. It will be a great experience for the NFL." The league's 32 owners, undaunted by the prospect of a wintry championship game, awarded Super Bowl XLVIII to the New York/New Jersey region after also considering bids from Tampa and South Florida, both traditional sites. South Florida and Tampa have hosted the Super Bowl 10 and four times, respectively.

I'm not hating on New York because I actually hate New York and Jersey. I'm hating on the winter and the cold.  If I work my ass off all season then I wanna be rewarded by flying down to Miami for Super Bowl week and have my teammates absolutely drown in titties. Not go to the city that never sleeps in freezing temperatures where the closest thing we get to seeing a pair of cannons is some fat, homeless fucker who can't afford to put a shirt on.

Amittyville Horror Crib For Sale

AMITYVILLE, N.Y. -- The house made famous in the 1979 film "The Amityville Horror" is up for sale in New York -- ghosts not included. The five-bedroom Dutch Colonial went on the market Monday for $1.15 million. The Oscar-nominated film is based on the story of the Lutz family's brief stay in the house in 1975 after six members of the DeFeo family were shot and killed as they slept in the home. Eldest son Ronald DeFeo Jr. was convicted of the murders.

Uhhhh what? This house is for sale? Who the fuck is going to spend a milli on this thing? Yeah, let me go find $1.15 million dollars so I can go crazy, kill my family and end up in the loony bin. I actually don't understand how this house isn't going to anyone for free.  You honestly couldn't pay me to stay there. Have you seen Amityville Horror? I didn't sleep for a week after I watched it and I like to think I'm pretty mentally tough but that movie totally butt fucked me. It's totally on my top 3 movies list that spooked the shit out of me. Followed by The Strangers and Pinocchio, which I have to watch the whole thing. What? That whale scene? I can't take it. It's like my biggest fear.

Don't Speak. I Know What You're Thinking

Listen, I'll be the first to say I was frustrated with the loss last night but it was about time we slip up. Ulysses S. Grant didn't exactly have a perfect war record but Abe Lincoln still called in the righty to lead the union in the Civil War so it's all gravy baby, we got it all smothered. And it wasn't like we got the shit kicked out of us either. Every time Orlando got hot and had a 6 point lead, Boston would come back just to remind them that we'll beat them any day of the week and twice on sunday. So we lost. But mentally I think it's still a win. The Magic had that game tied up with 2 minutes to go in the 4th quarter last night and Paul Pierce went into Paul Pierce Mode and got us back into it with a 3 point play. The only thing that bugs me is that play call with 12 seconds left. Why not fake like Pierce is gonna go iso, drive, kick out to Ray Allen and at least get a shot off? I understand Pierce was on beast time but Ray Ray was having his hottest quarter of the the game and if we've learned anything it's you feed Jesus Shuttlesworth when the mercury is rising.

Tonight Will Be Jack Bauer's Finest Hour

Here we are. I'd argue that this has been the worst 24 hours of our hero's life. It all started as he was coming off a lethal infection and then he suddenly thrown back into the fire when he got wind of an assassination plot on President Hassan. Did he have to help out? No, he didn't. But did he do it because he's the finest American this country has ever seen? Yes, yes he did. Then Hassan gets his head chopped anyway so Bauer and Renee cope with this by banging it out on the sheets only to have Renee sniped from 3 rooftops away. And now Bauer is on a fucking rampage of revenge that led us to here and I don't know what's next. All we can do is watch and pray that he goes out like a bulletproof tiger. Something like he's on top of a building with guns blazing and as he takes his final breath, a hole is ripped in his shirt and we see the American flag painted on his chest. Live free or died, baby!

Andy Milonakis Slaps The Bieb



I still don't think it's his best work.



That's more like it

This Kid Is Literally On Top Of The World

BEIJING -- An eighth-grader from California who became the youngest climber to reach the top of Mt. Everest said Monday he hopes his achievement will encourage young people worldwide to dream big. "I'm doing this to inspire other kids, hopefully across the world, to get outdoors and to set goals in life. I'm doing this to set an example for them," said 13-year-old Jordan Romero in an interview by satellite phone from the 21,320-foot (6,500-meter) Advanced Base Camp where his team had returned after reaching the top on Saturday. "The record is one thing but standing on top of the world is just the best feeling you could ever imagine," he said.

This is a cool story and all but I wish these youngsters would light up the media when they have the shot. They all try to be nice and politically correct and bullshit but why? I just climbed Everest and the reporters ask me about inspiring kids I'm gonna say something like "Yeah, well obviously I'm an absolute freak of nature so I don't really plan on inspiring kids, ya know? There's only one me, baby. I just do what it do and make the most out of my god given ability. Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life. Let's to go the bar and get shit faced. Seacrest, out!" And that my friends is how perform a post game interview. Look for it to be in the papers when I steal the cy young award for WBL this summer.

Side Boob Of The Year

How's that for a fucking side boob comeback? I just feel like the bases are juiced right now and I have the green light on a 3-1 count. I simply cannot miss.

Man Burns Down Topless Coffee Shop

AUGUSTA, Maine -- A state investigation says a man suspected of burning down a Maine coffee shop that featured topless waitresses was mad at his girlfriend, who was having an affair with the owner. The state fire marshal's office released an affidavit Friday alleging 48-year-old Raymond Bellavance Jr. used gasoline to start the fire in June 2009 because the woman, a waitress, was in a sexual relationship with Donald Crabtree, owner of the Grand View Topless Coffee Shop. The affidavit says before the fire, Bellavance made statements that he was going to burn the shop. He confronted his girlfriend two hours beforehand.

Wait, wait, wait. A topless coffee shop? Uhhmm can you say awesome? Honestly. I hope I'm not the only one who sits around all day and tries to conjure up revolutionary ideas that'll totally blow people's dicks off but now I don't really know if there's much of a point. I feel like a waitress at a topless coffee restaurant is a little ahead of a stripper and 15 steps ahead of a prostitute. They're not dancing. Just filling up your cup with a side of nipple. Gives a whole new meaning to when they ask if you want cream in that coffee.Yes, I'm fully aware this post has nothing to do about the brave man who burned down the place because his chick was banging the manager.

Tonight Was a Bigger Deal Than You Think

PHOENIX -- Amare Stoudemire answered his critics with an exclamation point, and there will be no sweep in the Western Conference finals. Stoudemire matched his career playoff high with 42 points, 29 in the second half, and grabbed 11 rebounds to power the Phoenix Suns to a 118-109 victory Sunday night that cut the Los Angeles Lakers' lead in the series to 2-1. "Just being aggressive, really going after it," Stoudemire said. "Tonight I wanted to come out with some aggressiveness and get it going."

Yeah, LA only has a 2-1 lead and it could very well be tied at 2-2 after the next game but that's not the point. Kobe scored 36 and 9 and the Lakers still lost. That's huge from a mental aspect. Right now Boston can't lose. Like mentally the word failure is not even in their vocabulary. But Los Angeles lost tonight after dominating the first two games and now it's like "uh-oh, maybe we're not the fucking balls like the Celtics are." I'm just saying from a mental standpoint this game was huge for every team in the playoffs right now.

P.S. Love the Suns. Steve Nash and Grant Hill are my fucking boys.

It Smells A Lot Like 2008 Again

Defense, defense, defense, defense. It's usually a good sign when the second guy off the bench is the leading scorer with only 17 points and you still beat the #2 seed by 20+ points.

Your Official WBL Preview Post

People might have thought I disappeared or I quit or that the  summer time temperatures had me slacking on my job. Well, no. Daddy took a little time off from being awesome and now I'm back with a WBL preview. As you and your mother know, tomorrow is opening day and it's when we separate the men from the boys. The talkers from the walkers.


Rude Boyz
The favorite to take the cake this year. Led by perennial MVP candidate in Kevin Nestico. He hits, he pitches, he rides the bull and he feels the flow. Just a star that leads a class organization all the way. Class, class, class. They're going undefeated this year unless Larson blows every at bat out his ass.

The Gays
Chris Powers leads a deep pitching staff that could do some damage. Oh. Wait. They can't hit the ball. C'ya.

The Smittys
Dark horse squad of the year. Big dog Smitty comes in with a tall black kid and a former baseball standout in the lineup. Could be trouble. Am I scared? I wouldn't say so. A man who admits his weakness is always the first to go in the horror movies.  They like to pitch to contact and when your favorite past time is performing laser shows, it could be an issue.

Night Moves/Threat Level Midnight/Team Blackout/Spill The Wine
Just put the food on the table 'cause we're ready to fucking eat. Do we have talent as far as baseball skills go? No. I throw the ball with anger, not technique and it hasn't failed me yet. We're just a bunch of athletes trying to make it in a cut throat league. Kinda like the well versed colonists who led a revolution of the greatest imperial power the world had ever seen. Soooo ya. I like our chances to sniff the playoffs.

Tog's Team
I can't believe we're really talking about this with conviction. I don't think they stand a chance against a slow pitch softball team that only included chicks who can't move their lower limbs. He couldn't cut it on the blog and he won't cut it on the field.


Zac's Team
He's good. His team is suspect. That's where the story ends and begins.

Greatest Commercial Ever?



Im so excited.

The NFL Is Really Just a Giant Sex Party

It turns out that NFL sex parties might not only occur on the secluded space of a boat. Chiefs wide receiver Dwayne Bowe got a quick introduction to a hidden side of the NFL, according to a piece in the latest ESPN the Magazine. ProFootballTalk has obtained excerpts from the feature, in which the Chief says that teammates meet girls online and fly them into town during road trips. NFL players apparently call the process "importing." Bowe recalls one episode in San Diego during his rookie season: "You hear stories about groupies hanging out in hotel lobbies, but some of my teammates had it set up so there was a girl in every room. The older guys get on MySpace and Facebook a week before we go to a city; when a pretty one writes back, they arrange to fly her in three or four days in advance. They call it importing."

You must be a desperate slut to be wanting to bang one of the Kansas City Chiefs.  They call it "importing.'' I'm seriously gonna use that term from now on. "Hey man, how many chicks were you able to import for the party tonight?" Technically it's not prostitution but it might as well be. It's just like the chicks who banged Tiger and now want his money for damages. They don't want you to call them whores but they want to bang Tiger and then take his money to keep quiet just like a hooker. Hmmm. Interesting. Let me point out another thing. You don't see these stories coming out about any player like Tom Brady or Wes Welker or anyone of that fairer skin color. And Big Ben doesn't count because he's always been a scum bag. I'm not saying it's a race issue but it might be a fucking race issue. I guess on the bright side they're not luring girls into their hotel room and raping them like Kobe did.

Pierce Don't Give a F About Nothin!


Forward Paul Pierce made some bold statements after the Boston Celtics' 95-92 victory over the Orlando Magic in Game 2 gave them a 2-0 lead in the Eastern Conference finals, but at least one of them appears to have been the work of a hacker. Pierce's verified Twitter account displayed a message that read "Anybody got a BROOM?" following Boston's second straight victory over Orlando on the road to open the series, but that message suggesting a Boston sweep has since been deleted and another message was posted Wednesday denying that the comment came from Pierce. "Hacked in game and post game while on podium [for postgame press conference]. Disregard chatter," read Wednesday's message, purportedly from Pierce. Walking off the court after Tuesday night's victory, Pierce, who scored a team-high 28 points, stared at the Amway Arena crowd and announced, "See y'all next year," seeming to indicate the Celtics intended to win the next two games at home for a four-game sweep. He then turned toward his teammates and added, "Two more now, let's be greedy." And in an on-court interview with ESPN's Doris Burke immediately after the game, Pierce stared into the camera and announced to Celtics fans that "we're coming home to close it out" before winking his eye.

Say what you want about Paul Pierce but don't say he lacks confidence. I used to say he was the most underrated player in the league and I still think he's one of them but Pierce also knows he's underrated and he's gonna let you know about it whenever has the chance. Didn't he call himself one of the best 3 point shooters of all time after he won the contest this year? He's what we in the wiffleball league call, "much in the clutch." Against any other team I might be worried that Pierce is ruffling some feathers with all this tough talk but we're playing the fucking Magic. They don't have a backbone. No cojones on those guys. Lebron would hear this and go on a rampage but Dwight Howard hears this and tells Stan Van Gundy and all that comes out of his mouth is "waahhhh waahhhhhh waahhhh." And why not tell the world you're gonna sweep? Orlando got butt fucked in their home floor  2 games in a row. That's pathetic. They deserve to refer to us at their daddys for the rest of the playoffs.

5 Year Old Gets The Cuffs

LEHIGH ACRES, Fla. -- A startling scene outside a party store brought a Florida woman to tears. The woman said she saw a sheriff's deputy arresting a 5-year-old boy as she was pumping gas at a nearby 7-Eleven. She snapped a photo and described it as an "out of control situation." "That's not a way to treat a child, that's not a way to teach a lesson to a little boy," said the woman, who asked to remain anonymous. The little boy's mother said she asked the deputy, a friend and 15-year veteran of the Lee County Sheriff's Office, to "arrest" her son as a way to scare him straight. "I hope it scared him to figure out that he's not going to play with matches or lighters again," she said. "That was the whole point of it -- to make him afraid that he was going to go to jail." Child psychiatrist Omar Rieche said the discipline was too much. "No matter what the details are, when you see that picture, it says so much," he said. "The age in which this is being done is inappropriate, so it's misguided."

What happened to slapping a kid on the wrist and sending him on his way? I'm not saying I'm gonna be father of the year but I know I won't be setting up a fake arrest on a 5 year old to scare him straight. Wasn't that a show? Scared Straight? Maybe a movie. I don't know. Sellberg should watch that shit so maybe he'll stop fucking guys. What was this post even about? The kid played with matches so he got handcuffed? This might be cruel and unusual but if my kid wants to play around with a lighter then I'm gonna little his ass on fire and show him the real consequences of being a flamer. Wait. That doesn't right...

You Guys Don't Do This Every Morning?



I need this little girl to wake me up every morning. Her and a third base coach to stand at my door would be amazing. Think about it. How great would it feel to get your ass smacked and have someone tell you that you played great all day just before you go to bed. Now look in the mirror and repeat after her. My house is great, I can do anything good. I like my school, I like anything, I like my dad, I like my cousins, I like my ants, I like my allisons, I like my mom, I like my sisters, I like my hair, I like my haircuts! I like my pajamas! I like my stuff! I like my rooms! I like my whole house! My whole house is great! I can do anything good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can do anything better than anyone!

Floyd Mayweather Might Be My New Favorite Man

Floyd Mayweather Jr. goes nowhere without his A.1. Steak Sauce. He and his large entourage showed up at Lavo in Las Vegas the other day to celebrate his brother's birthday and his trouncing of "Sugar" Shane Mosley in the welterweight title fight May 1. When they were served their well-done steaks, Mayweather's brother asked if the restaurant had any A.1. The server said no, but a bottle of A.1. was instantly produced from Floyd's "cash bag," a tote the boxer uses to carry US currency that he "rains" on crowds at nightclubs. The A.1. bottle was then placed as a centerpiece on the table. "A.1. was doused on every single item -- chicken, steaks, even the garlic mash," a witness reports, adding, "Floyd made a comment that he even eats cereal with A.1." Maybe an endorsement deal could be in order -- who needs Wheaties when you have A.1.?

Anybody Got a Broom?


Let me say this. I thought the Cavs were the most overrated team in the league but it might be the Magic. Dwight Howard and Vince Carter were both classmates of Mo Williams at the school of being a fraud. I mean Howard sucks. He's terrible. I haven't seen him perform one low post move that makes me go "oh, shit.'' Even Rasheed has better low post moves on the block. Vince Carter is no different. He was a freak when he was 26 but Sellberg was also a great baseball player when he was 11 so that doesn't matter. The Celtics are just scary good right now. The stars are healthy and everybody is on top of their game but the thing I like most about them is their playing defense. So cue all the naysayers who say you don't need to play defense to win in the NBA and then tell them to shut the fuck up and watch a game. Seriously. The next dude that tells me defense doesn't matter is gonna get a slap in the face. Hey Kobe. we're coming for your ass.

Is It Too Dramatic To Say Last Night Was Like Getting Our Balls Ripped Off?

I'll be the first to admit that I haven't really paid attention to the Sox this year. With the Celtics about to win banner #18 it's a little difficult to get into a team that can barely play .500 ball. But last night was different. The only way I can describe it was like a straight kick to the dick. Not the balls, not the groin, the dick. Not only did it take the air of our sails but it put us on our knees and made us writhe in pain. That's what a kick to the dick is. You don't come back from that. You'll always flinch when a something gets too close in a game. To battle from 5-0 and have a 9-7 lead in the ninth with Pap on the mound, it seemed almost too good. Like this was the turning point. Where the team found their soul. And then fake life ended and real life resumed and we realized we're just not that good this year. We're gonna be a 3rd place team all season, win about 85 games and live in mediocrity. And that fucking sucks.

Hanley Ramirez Is Tired

Angry at being benched Monday night for his lack of hustle, Florida Marlins star shortstop Hanley Ramirez Ramirez, the 2009 NL batting champion, committed a costly error in the second inning of the Marlins' loss to the Diamondbacks. After Tony Abreu's looper dropped near him in short left field, he accidentally kicked the ball about 100 feet toward the left-field corner and loafed after it, allowing two runners to score as Abreu advanced to third. "It's his team. He can do whatever he [expletive] wants," Ramirez, referring to his benching, told reporters Tuesday. The Marlins again play the Diamondbacks on Tuesday at 1 p.m. ET. Ramirez is not in the lineup for the game. Ramirez said he didn't see the need to apologize to the team. "We got a lot of people dogging it after ground balls. They don't apologize," Ramirez told reporters, according to the Palm Beach Post.

I can't stand players who don't hustle in baseball. I know it's a bit of a fake sport as far as athletic ability goes but the one chance you have to use some energy, you dog it down the line and then complain about being called out for it? Give me a break, bro.  And I like Hanley Ramirez. If Florida wants us to take him off their hands then we'll be happy to bring him back to Boston but he needs to grow the fuck up first. He's probably one of the best pure players in the league and I don't wanna see another young talent who can't lead become a joke like Lebron. Yeah, I said it. Lebron is a joke. And Kobe is a criminal. And Dan Donahue's girlfriend is disgusting. These facts are not debatable.

Onyewu Is a Better Man Than You or I Will Ever Be

MILAN - USA international Oguchi Onyewu, who is coming off a season of rehabilitation following a long injury which has forced him to stay off the pitch for the whole season, but is now ready to face the World Cup with his national team, made a very significant gesture from a human and professional point of view today. Assisted by his lawyer, Jean Louis Dupont, Onyewu asked for, and received, a one-year contract extension from Milan, from 30 June 2012 to 30 June 2013. During this extra year, Oguchi Onyewu, by his choice, much appreciated by the Rossoneri club, has asked not to receive any kind of salary. This is an exemplary gesture which deserves sincere congratulations.

So basically Guuch got hurt last year and instead of taking his money, he's playing for free next season as a way to pay his team back. Such a class act. I love it. Would I do it? Fuck no but I like it. Scotty, Mikey and Sellberg pay attention. You come up lame running to first base this season and can't go full steam then you owe me.


P.S. Just saw an ad for Call of Duty Black Ops. Uhhmmmmm that looks dope.

Another Fading Star Is Taking On The MLS

France's Thierry Henry has signed a deal to play for the New York Red Bulls of the MLS, according to media reports. Henry, whose season with Barcelona finished Sunday, will play for the French team at the World Cup in South Africa next month before joining the Red Bulls, The Boston Globe and SI.com have reported. Henry, 32, still has a year left on his contract with Barcelona. He holds the mark for most French national team goals with 51.

I was legit excited about this. Didn't quite go bat shit but it was pretty surreal to hear about and then I remembered something. Thierry Henry's blatant hand ball in the box is the only reason why Ireland isn't playing the World Cup this year and France is. Fuck this guy and the cowardly french horse he's gonna ride in on. Go back out of another war, you bitch.

'Sheed Drinks After Games. Is That Normal?

Wallace had two big blue bottles of Bud Light in the upper corner of his locker on Sunday and a snarky greeting for Boston reporters about his hometown Philadelphia Flyers making a historic comeback on the Bruins. He didn’t come to Boston for political correctness, to make nice with the fans there. “The Broad Street Bullies,” he snarled, and then laughed and laughed and laughed. Wallace came to Boston out of shape and out of line, and spent most of the season making the Celtics mostly regret they had ever signed him as a free agent. Yet, ’Sheed has responded in these playoffs with inspired play on both ends of the floor. He’s done it his way and everyone will just have to accept it. He takes such glee in frustrating one of the chosen young stars like Howard, because, well, that’s just him.

Baseball players drinking after games is fine. That's part of the job, I suppose. You don't exactly have to be in supreme athletic shape to be a baseball player.  But what this really does is continue to ask why I don't like Rasheed Wallace? He drinks beers after the game, takes pride is messing with Howard's head, beats people up under the basket and might be the cockiest fucker on the team. He was god awful all season long but it's like as soon as the playoffs came around, a switch in his head went off and he came to play. And if the post game light beer is what makes him tick then the next 30 is on me.

Girl Doubts Herself Sailing Across Globe. The Lack Of Confidence Is So Hot.

SYDNEY -- The young Australian who spent seven months sailing around the world said critics who doubted her abilities had some company -- the 16-year-old herself. Jessica Watson, who became the youngest person to sail around the globe solo, nonstop and unassisted when she cruised into Sydney Harbor on Saturday, acknowledged in an interview aired a day later that she shared the concerns of people who said she might not be up to the journey of 23,000 nautical miles."It was driving me mad, because I hadn't actually done any solo sailing. And here I was telling the world I was about to sail solo, nonstop and unassisted around the world -- and I hadn't actually been out by myself," Watson told Australia's Ten Network, which helped sponsor her trip.

I've never really understood what's so great about sailing or flying around the world. Congrats, bitch. You sat on your fat ass for seven months and made adjustments as your boat took all the beating. Same with flying. If what you do is sail boats and fly planes then this shouldn't be an issue. It seems harder to bored enough to try it then actually complete the mission. If you wanna impress me then jump in the water and swim. Give me something to talk about.  "Hey, did you hear about the babe that swam across the world? Insane! She must be so cold!" or, "yeah, this chick sailed across the world on a boat. Someone wake up Ferdinand Magellan." Which sounds better?

Michael Ballack is All Sorts Of Upset

FRANKFURT -- Germany captain Michael Ballack will miss the World Cup because of a right ankle injury, dealing the three-time champions a serious blow less than a month before the tournament. The German soccer federation said Monday that the 33-year-old Chelsea midfielder had torn ligaments in his right ankle from a tackle during his club's 1-0 FA Cup final victory over Portsmouth on Saturday. Ballack's ankle has been put in a cast and the federation said he won't be able to train for at least eight weeks. "It's very disappointing, but I have to accept it," Ballack told German television, standing with crutches. "It's football and you have to live with it. ... I am angry, clearly."

It's no secret that I don't like Germans. I don't like the soccer team, I don't like Dirk Nowitzki and I could live without the frankfurter if I had to. You can't nearly take over the world and think I'll just forget about it 60 years later. I wouldn't mind if they destroyed Poland, though. I still think they should. Fuck the polish.  But this is great news. Germany was a contender for the cup and without their star captain, I don't think they are anymore. Everyone keeps asking me who I think is gonna win it this year and they say it's like Brazil, Spain, and maybe England. Uhhh fuck that. Last summer I believed we romped Spain then had a 3 goal lead on Brazil until we blew it in the Confed. Cup final. You're damn right I'm picking United States. At the end of the day I think we need to ask ourselves one thing. What would Jack Bauer do?

Taking Care Of Business.

Yeah, it wasn't totally pretty and we might have let them come too close to climbing back into it but a win is a win. Especially against a well rested team that hasn't lost in a month. Huge confidence boost for the Celts. You can come up with excuses like how Orlando played like shit but you know who else played like ass? Boston. So if we can beat them on our bad day then that's making a fucking statement. Wasn't cute, wasn't flashy but it got the job done and we stole one on the road. Massive win.

Sean Avery and Aaron Voros Get Into It With...Lohan?

Lindsay Lohan started another fight in a club -- this time with New York Ranger skaters Aaron Voros and Sean Avery at 1Oak. The troubled starlet threw a drink over Voros' model girlfriend, Jessica Stam, and then tried to get all three thrown out of the Wildfox fall-collection party the other night. A spy relates, "Lindsay threw a fit because she wanted to be at their table near the DJ. But she claimed she didn't want to sit with Aaron and said, 'He's my ex-boyfriend. I don't want him anywhere near me.' Voros denied knowing her. A drink then flew in Jessica's face, and Lindsay demanded their table be moved out. Club bosses refused and tried to calm her down. Stam, Voros and Avery were shocked but didn't retaliate, and Lindsay left shortly afterward." We await Lohan's inevitable denial, but we have multiple witnesses. A different source said "Lindsay threw a fit. There was total drama for absolutely no reason."

It's Time To Catch Up On The Past Few Days

I go away for 2 days and does Scott step up and pull his weight? No. He think it's vacation week here or something. The bottom line is if Rondo doesn't take any plays off, neither do we.


-Lebron is gone. Gone. Adios. As in he will never play another basketball game for the city of Cleveland in his life. The Celtics exposed the Cavs and made them show their true colors. All year the media wanted to crown their ass and now I'm saying this, "If you wanna crown 'em, then crown their ass but they are who we thought they were." Just a bunch of clowns. Jamison is the kind of guy that gives you 44 minutes of great basketball but he's across the street for the last 4, hiding in the bushes. Mo Williams doesn't even go to the gym for the big games and you can't win titles with guys like them. Lebron knows this, I know this, you know this, my cat knows this. I'd love Lebron in a Bulls uni but I think he wants blaze his own trail in a city where there isn't a statue of MJ outside the arena.
 
-Boston beating Cleveland in the playoffs totally makes up for the Bruins blowing a 3-0 series lead and then a 3-0 goal lead in game 7. Like I don't even care. All I'm thinking about is how we're gonna make Vince Carter look like the fraud that he is on national television for 2 weeks straight.

-Our WBL team is tentatively named "Night Moves" or "Spill The Wine."

-Big Papi is heating up. 2 words. Laser show. Relax.

-Does anybody still watch The Hills? Spencer Pratt has lot his mind and Kristin is a coke whore. It's actually become pretty entertaining television. If there's one thing I've learned about America, it's that we love watching the downward spiral of a lunatic and a drug addict simply for the fact that we can stop and say, "I was there!" when they inevitably die or go to prison.

-LT is claiming he didn't rape the 16 year old girl, just jerked it in front of her then paid her $300. So maybe he didn't do it. I don't know. He should still be punished for being a fucking moron. You're in a hotel room, bro. It's called order up some porn and save yourself a rape trial.

This Is The Coolest Video Ever.



I'd be lying if I said that didn't just bring a tear to my eye.

Introducing Your Future 2010 WBL Champions


Just a bunch of fucking athletes on this squad. Between the 4 of us we might have a solid 3 years of baseball experience but that doesn't even phase me. We're gonna play balls to walls every chance we get. If you're gonna play safe, you might as well surrender. And surrender is death and death is for pussies and my ass aint a pussy. My ass is a motherfucking champion. When they speak of us, they'll speak of us well.


P.S. Notice I drafted my 2 favorite bloggers and the blog's biggest fan. Team chemistry is through the roof right now.

Ronaldinho Gets Snubbed

Ronaldinho was left out of Brazil's initial World Cup squad, Francesco Totti and Luca Toni were missing from Italy's squad, and Jamie Carragher came out of retirement for England as coaches announced their provisional rosters Tuesday. The coaches of the 32 teams headed for next month's championship in South Africa faced a FIFA deadline, and the lists include some walking wounded who hope to be fit for the tournament, some unexpected inclusions, and some big names who missed out.

This sucks. No other way around it. It just fucking sucks. When you're on top of the world everyone wants a piece of your ass but then you take a little time off from being awesome, throw on a couple lbs and no one will give you the time of fucking day and it's criminal.  He's actually been pretty good the past 2 seasons so I don't know why you wouldn't give him a shot. At least throw him on the roster. It's not like a washed up Shaq on the team. More like an aging Larry Bird and you always take an aging Larry Bird.

22 Is The New 16. Line up Ladies

ODESSA, Texas -- Police say a West Texas student who led his high school basketball team to the state playoffs last season was actually a 22-year-old man. Police say the basketball star was really Guerdwich Montimere, a naturalized U.S. citizen from Haiti. School officials say he was recognized last month by Florida coaches as having once been a high school player in Fort Lauderdale. Ector County school district officials say the man posed as 16-year-old Jerry Joseph and enrolled at Permian High School in Odessa.

Odessa, Texas is where the original Friday Night Lights took place, isn't it?  I'm not gonna kill the kid for wanting to play high school basketball. It's right up there with the fantasy of being a guy and playing on the girls basketball. team. We'd all look like MJ out there. And that goes for all female sports. You can throw me a skirt and I'll get on the field hockey field tomorrow and absolutely dominate.  It'll be a fucking bloodbath by the time I'm done out there cutting up bitches. Actually, girl sports should be outlawed because nobody gives a shit and the ones that do, the ones that play, are a poor excuse for athletes. But back to the story. This kid had to go to school in order to be eligible for the team, right? If Ron Packard calls me up tonight(he will) and says I can play on the soccer team then I'm sold. But if I have to go back to high school it's a no go. I get pissed off just thinking about that place. Like I really need your permission to go take a shit? And I need this fucking piece of paper signed that says, "Yes, he's going to take a shit and I'm allowing him to do it" in case some wind pants wearing asshole wants to stop me and ask what I'm doing. It's ridiculous. I remember the first day of college classes, some kid asked to go to the bathroom and the professor said something along the lines of "I don't care what you do. I don't even care if you don't show up for the rest of your college career, just don't ask those dumb fucking questions." So no, I would not like to go back to high school just to mash it with 16 year olds on the basketball court.

Did The Celtics Win? I Didn't See The Game...

Lebron went 3-14 and only had 15 points? Uhhhhh yikes. I think it's safe to say Lebron won't be returning to Cleveland next year with that sad supporting cast behind him. They couldn't even hold Rondo to 15 points and he didn't fucking score in the first half. I've been saying it all year. Boston is the best team in the NBA and when they get their shit together, look out. Well, they look like they have their shit together. So take cover. Hey Kobe, we're coming for your ass.


P.S. We'll probably lose game 6 by 30 after I said all that.

Lebron Wants To Guard Rondo? Uhhhh OK!


WALTHAM, Mass. -- The day after his 29-point, 18-rebound, 13-assist effort, Rajon Rondo remained the center of attention as the Boston Celtics practiced on Monday. But the focus had shifted slightly from his triple-double performance in what amounted to a must-win for the Celtics in Game 4 of an Eastern Conference semifinal series against the Cavaliers, to whether he can have as much of an impact in Game 5 if Cleveland employs superstar LeBron James to defend him.  Rondo simply shrugged off the news that James expressed a desire to guard him in Tuesday's game. "It really doesn't matter about the matchup," said Rondo. "Obviously, it's the playoffs and the big thing is matchups, but, to me, I don't really care who's guarding me. I gotta run the offense and in our system. If we get easy looks in transition, it doesn't matter who's guarding me."

Who does Lebron think he is? Did I miss the part of his career where he became this shutdown defender? He can guard Paul Pierce. A lot of people can guard Pierce. But Pierce isn't Rondo.  He just doesn't get tired like other players. This whole scenario spells out success for Boston because there isn't another player on the Cavs who can match the scoring the power of Boston if Lebron is winded. Mo Williams? Yeah, OK. He wouldn't be a starter on the Celtics. He wouldn't even be a starter in Milwaukee. He's a great bench player but the playoffs are when bench players play like bench players and the real stars play like stars. I might be wrong but I think Alexander Hamilton said that before his duel with Aaron Burr. I need a fact checker on the payroll for times like these. I believe it was the death of federalism as well but I digress. Let Lebron try to guard Rondo. He's obviously not gonna go off for 29, 18 and 13 again and it would be dumb to expect it but if he does half that and makes Lebron breath a little heavy then he's done his job.


P.S. Where has Mclovin been? He was all over Boston last year in the playoffs and now he's no where to be found. He must be shooting another movie where he plays the same dorky character

Manny Wins Election

Manny Pacquiao defeated heavily favored Roy Chiongbian in an easy win, according to Aol Boxing FanHouse. Voting wasn't completed, but as of 10 p.m. Monday night, Pacquiao reportedly had 90,000 of a possible 125,000 votes, making it impossible for his opponent to win the race. Pacquiao, 31, is believed to be the only boxer to hold public office while still an active fighter. 

Pac-man might be the only asian dude I like. I really, really like him. He pretty much has the freedom to do whatever he wants because he can beat the shit out of people and he's super nice about it. I wish the government set up voting for congress like a pre-fight weigh in. Just line up all the candidates on stage, strip them down to shorts and watch them flex and talk shit to each other. We'd really be able to separate the crazies from the norm up there. That's actually one of the most amazing things about boxers. For months they build up this hatred for each other and then they get on a stage 24 hours before they get to fight, faces an inch away the other and they don't fight. They keep it together. It's crazy. I can't get within a foot of someone's face without thinking they wanna make out with me and I start swinging for the fences.

This Can't Be Good...

BOSTON -- When Michael Leighton saw Brian Boucher toss his blocker aside, he knew it was time to start getting ready. The Flyers backup, a former starter who hadn't played in two months since an injury of his own, began stretching on the ice while the training staff attended to Boucher. A few minutes later Leighton was in the net -- preserving the shutout that Boucher started and keeping Philadelphia alive in the playoffs. "I was a little bit nervous at the start," Leighton said after stopping 14 shots to beat Boston 4-0 on Monday night and force a sixth game in the best-of-seven Eastern Conference semifinals. "I didn't want to lose the confidence of the team. We scored some goals in the second and it took some pressure off."

The 3-0 lead went to 3-1 and I said whatever, we'll close this bitch out on Monday. Well now it's 3-2 and I have no idea what's gonna happen. The thing about hockey is when a team or goalie gets hot, they get fucking hot. It's not like Ray Allen draining 3's from outside for a quarter. It's like trying to scale the Great Wall in August. I wanna be super positive but I can't. We all know the Bruins shouldn't even be playing this deep into the season and it was only a matter of time before their fire burned out and left room for another's to ignite. You like what I did there. One of these days I'm just gonna write poetry on this blog.
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