"Have You Been Drinking This Evening?" Followed By "Is This Bitch Gonna Have a Baby In Front of Me?" Are The 2 Most Terrifying Questions You Can Be Asked in a 2 Minute Period

PLAINVILLE, Conn. -- Plainville police performing a checkpoint on Route 177 early Sunday morning got more than they expected when a car entered the checkpoint carrying a Trevor Hairston and his wife, Bethel Hairston, who was in labor. Police immediately requested an ambulance to the scene, but found themselves helping the mother give birth.Police said Cpl. Patrick Buden, Det. CJ Roper, Sgt. Charles Smedick, Officer Greg Arvai and Sgt. Gary Blake gathered medical equipment they had available and prepared to deliver the baby on the scene. At exactly 1 a.m. Christian Hairston entered the world at the DUI checkpoint, police said.

Is it just me or is being forced to deliver a baby one of your biggest fears, too?  The thought of it seriously sends goosebumps down my spine. I'm 110% confident I'm gonna be taking a bathroom break when my future hall of fame basketball playing son is born. I don't know how to put this delicately so I'll come right out with it. I don't like big girls and by big girls I mean I don't like fat girls. They gross me out and I know pregnant bitches aren't technically fat girls but whatever. If it looks like a rat and smells like a rat then god damnit, it's a rat. Big is big. The initial fear of delivering babies all goes to back that birthing video I was forced to watch in 8th grade. You know what I'm talking about. I have a burning image of a blue/purple vagina with a baby's head cresting out of that motherfucker. Porn wasn't the same for like 2 weeks.


How cute is that Asian chick in the picture above? Bring that ass over here and I'll tell you all about flash burns from atomic bombs.